


I'm Not Gay

by Never_Fly_Away



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Major Original Character(s), Psychological Trauma, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2017-12-30 10:38:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_Fly_Away/pseuds/Never_Fly_Away
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mr. and Mrs. Anderson need to leave Ohio for a couple of months, Blaine tries desperately to convince his parents to let him stay home alone, but his attempts fall short. And just when he thinks things couldn’t get any worse, he discovers who his parents had arranged for him to stay with…Sebastian Smythe and his father, Michael.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Warning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. So this is the first time that I've posted anything on here, and things are a still a little foreign. I also just want to mention that this story is also up on Fanfiction.net (is that allowed?) and I do own the rights :)

“But…come on. Please!” Blaine begged.

“We already said no. Now drop it.” Fred Anderson snapped.

“I’m 17 years old for goodness sake! I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Really? Because your childish behavior would beg to differ. You are not an adult, not in my eyes or in the eyes of the law, and so, legally, we cannot leave you to fend for yourself for so many months. Unless of course you want social services to get an anonymous tip that there’s an abandoned kid all alone in his house.” His father didn’t even bother to look up from the newspaper he was currently reading.

Blaine sighed. “I hate the law.”

“Yeah well, so do all the criminals who are locked up behind bars right now. Your opinion means nothing.”

“What exactly do you think is going to happen to me if you leave me alone? I doubt I’m at the top of any serial killer’s ‘hit list’, and it’s not like I don’t know how to cook my own food. I can take care of myself and you know it, so why won’t you just let me prove it?”

“Blaine, seriously? How many more times do your mother and I have to say no before you start to listen? It has nothing to do with us not trusting you; it has to do with us having to be responsible parents. And until the day you turn 18, you are legally bound to listen to everything we tell you to do. And we are telling to shut your mouth and accept our decision.” This time Fred did look up, if only to throw his son a pointed look.

“Okay, but what about the whole ‘having to let your children make their own mistakes’ thing? How am I supposed to mess up and learn my lessons if you and mom constantly coddle me?” He was desperate.

“Luckily for me, it is up to every parent how they decide to raise their children, and I choose to raise my children, well my youngest child, in a manner that will ensure he is mature and sensible enough to avoid making stupid choices that he will inevitably regret later. I strongly believed that I was making progress, at least up until you started acting like a spoilt brat who doesn’t like it when he can’t get what he wants.”

Blaine suddenly felt foolish. His father was right; he was acting like a spoilt brat. He knew that his parents were only doing this because of how much they cared about him, and he was making things very difficult for them. “You’re right, Dad. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to be away from home _and_ away from you guys for so long.”

It was Fred’s turn to sigh. “You know that your mother and I don’t want to leave you, son? It’s just a really great work opportunity, and if I can pull this off, then I’ll be promoted to manager. This is what I’ve wanted ever since I got the job at the car dealership.”

“I know that. I don’t blame you for leaving, I’m just really going to miss you.” Blaine admitted softly.

“I’m going to miss you too, kiddo. But I can assure you that your mother will want to check up on you so often that you’re going to get sick of us, and we won’t even be around. You’ll see, you’ll barely even notice that we’re gone.” Fred smiled reassuringly.

“Right.” He wasn’t convinced.

 

**~1~**

“This isn’t fair! Don’t I get a say?” Sebastian demanded angrily.

“No, as a matter of fact, you don’t. Both because you’re a child, and because if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t owe this kid’s parents anything.” His father, Michael, stated.

“I am not a child,” he fumed, “and that was last year! We don’t owe those people anything.”

“You’re half right; _I_ don’t owe them anything. But since I’m the parent here, it’s up to me to clean up your mess…again.” Michael said in a tired voice.

“Well you’re obviously a terrible parent if I keep messing things up. If I had been raised properly then I wouldn’t be such a screw-up.” Sebastian knew he was lashing out, but he was having one of those days where keeping his anger in check was just too difficult.

“You were raised to the best of my ability, and would you please stop calling yourself a screw-up? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.”

“Actually, right now, _you’re_ what’s wrong with me. Mom isn’t such a damn useless adult, so why can’t I just go live with her instead?”

“We’ve covered this. Your mother’s work forces her to travel a lot, and that is just not suitable circumstances in which to raise a child. When you’re done with school, then maybe we can revisit the topic.” Michael was only trying to humor his son; he knew that there was absolutely no chance of Sebastian going to live with his ex-wife any time soon.

“I am not a freaking a child! Stop calling me that! And the only reason you don’t want me to go is because then  you no longer get to make me miserable, and that seems to be the only enjoyment you get out of your pathetic life.” Sebastian mumbled spitefully.

“For your sake, son, I hope dearly that that is not what you actually believe,” he looked up to his son, who was standing with crossed arms in front of Michael’s desk. He heaved a sigh, “think what you want, I can’t stop you. But I can assure you that there isn’t a single person alive that I love more than you. And the last thing I want is to see you unhappy.”

“Well then sucks for you, ‘cos I’m unhappy right now.”

“You’re always unhappy, Sebastian. And it has absolutely nothing to do with me.”

“Would you just shut up?! If you’re seriously going to let that dwarf stay here, then don’t expect me to come back.” Sebastian’s fists were clenched. He hated himself and he hated always having to be angry, but there was nothing he would hate more than having Blaine stay in his house.

“You always say things like that. We both know I haven’t been responsible for your actions since you were a little boy. No matter what I say, you’re going to do what you want anyway.” Michael shrugged.

“I wish you knew how much I hate you!” Sebastian yelled before turning around and storming out of the house.

“I don’t think I want to know.” He whispered to himself.

 

**~1~**

 

“Honey? Can I come in? There’s something I need to talk to you about.” Blaine’s mom, Anne, asked as she knocked on his bedroom door.

“Sure.” Blaine responded, putting away his laptop, where he had been busy typing up a history essay.

“It’s about where you’ll be staying when your father and I are away.” Anne explained, her voice full of hesitation. She had a strong feeling that her son was not going to be happy with the news.

“Oh?” Blaine raised his eyebrow. He had a bad feeling about this.

“Well, I have good news and bad news. I’d ask which you want to hear first, but the bad news kind of gives away the good. Okay, so we found someone who’s willing to take you in for the duration of our absence…”

“But?” He asked.

“It’s Michael Smythe.” \

Blaine’s jaw dropped. “As in Sebastian’s father? Are you serious?”

“Honey, we need to leave in a few days; that is really short notice and Michael offered. Not to mention that he lives in a really big house and will easily be able to afford having you there. Ever since you went to the hospital for eye surgery he’s felt like he owes us, and I think this will be a perfect way for him to clear his conscience.”

“You do realize that Sebastian lives there too, right?”

“What do you think he’s going to do? Stab you? I’m really sorry and I know that that is the last place you want to go stay, but unfortunately it’s our only option. Michael is really nice and I’m sure the two of you will get along just fine. But, as you know, if you’re unhappy or feel uncomfortable all you have to do is let us know and we’ll make other arrangements. Okay?”

Blaine blinked continuously. “I – I guess I don’t have a choice, huh?”

“I’m afraid not. It really is our only option.”

“What about Tina’s parents? Or Brittany’s?” He was desperate.

“Brittany’s parents are away on vacation until two weeks from now, and Tina’s parents are in a bit of a financial situation. You’re just going to have to make peace with it.” Anne smiled compassionately.

Blaine sighed, “Okay.”

“It won’t be as bad as you think. You’ll see.” She touched his cheek.

“Yeah, right.” He mumbled as soon as she had left.

 

**~1~**

Blaine grimaced as his father’s car stopped in front of Michael Smythe’s mansion. He still hadn’t met the man, and he wasn’t particularly eager to either. Reluctantly, he got out of the car and extracted his bags before following his parents up to the redundantly large front door. After waiting for not nearly long enough, the door opened to reveal and tall and handsome man who looked to be around 40. Michael invited them all in before extending his forearm toward Blaine, “You must be the young Mr. Anderson I’ve heard so much about. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“You too, Mr. Smythe.” Blaine shook his hand.

“Oh no, please call me Michael.” He smiled.

“Where’s your son?” Fred asked.

“Uh, to be honest, I’m not sure. He left early this morning and hasn’t come back yet. You know how teenagers can be.” Michael chuckled uneasily. He knew that Mr. and Mrs. Anderson would think that he’s a bad parent, and maybe he was, but he doubted anyone knew how hard it was to be the father of Sebastian Smythe.

Blaine’s dad nodded, his face showing nothing.

“So would anyone like anything to drink? Oh, and Blaine let me show you where your room is.”

Blaine followed Michal up the stairs, down a wide hallway, and into one of the doors on the left. The room was large, bigger than his own. The walls were fair and it was decorated with a large bed, a dresser, a built-in cupboard, and a wall-mirror. On the opposite end of the room was another door which he assumed was the bathroom, and in the right corner was a large window with  an attachment built underneath it. A window-seat. “This is great. Thanks so much, Mr. Smythe.”

“You’re very welcome. And it’s Michael, remember?”

“Right.” He smiled. Michael went back down to finalize things with Blaine’s parents, whereas the latter stayed to put his bags down and get acquainted with the room. He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers over the duvet. He had no idea why, but for some reason being in this house made him very uneasy. And remembering the way that Mr. Smythe had talked about his son earlier, he figured that Sebastian wanted him there about as much as Blaine wanted to be there. Since none of these thoughts were making him feel any better, he decided to stop thinking and go back down to spend as much time as possible with his parents before they left. He found everyone in the kitchen (Blaine wondered if anyone who lived in this house actually knew how to cook).

“There you are,” Fred said when he saw him, “I wanted to remind you that you have to go pick up your car tomorrow. Otherwise you might have a bit of a problem getting to school on Monday.”

“Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten.” He hadn’t even remotely remembered.

“Well then, I think Anne and I should be going. Our plane leaves in just over an hour.”

Blaine went to hug both his parents, feeling like a little kid going to kindergarten for the first time, since he was very much hesitant to let go. Reality slapped him in the face as he watched the car drive away with both his parents inside, and him, well…he wasn’t.  

“Don’t worry, they’ll be back before you know it.” Michael smiled reassuringly.

“I know. I’m just being – I don’t know.” Blaine gave a half-hearted attempt at a shrug. \

“It’s okay to miss them, you know. I don’t know why, but you teenagers have this thing about wanting to be older than you are. What you don’t realize is that being a kid is a heck of a lot more fun than being an adult.”

“I don’t want to be older, I just feel as if people don’t quite see me the way I see myself. I guess everyone has that problem though.”

“Maybe,” Michael nodded slowly, “I feel like I need to warn you about Sebastian.”

“Warn me?” Blaine frowned.

“Yes. I don’t know how well you know him, but I need to inform you that he has quite a temper. He also likes to pick fights with me, and he might try to do the same with you. I know people say that the best thing to do in situations like that is to ignore them, but this will only aggravate Sebastian further. The best thing to do with him is to simply not play along.”

Blaine nodded, although he wasn’t entirely certain what Mr. Smythe was saying.

“I’m only telling you this so that you don’t take anything he says personally. I know he manages to hide it well, but he’s generally a very angry person. I just – I don’t really know why,” Michael was lost in his thoughts for a few moments, “and I know you don’t really want to be here, but please try to feel at home. I think it could be really nice to have some company for a change.”

“For a change? What about Sebastian?”

“He’s not home a lot of the time, and when he is, he hides away in his room. The only time I get to see him is if he’s looking for someone to take his anger out on.”

“Oh.” Of all the words Blaine had ever used to describe Sebastian, ‘angry’ was never one of them.

“I’m not making you feel any better, am I?” Michael asked with a snort.

“No – I mean, yes. You’re just very different to what I thought you would be.” He explained.

“Because I’m a lawyer?”

“Because you’re Sebastian’s dad…no offence.”

“None taken. I actually wanted to ask you, how did you meet my son? I know you’re not in Dalton, and you don’t seem like the kind of guy that he likes to surround himself with.” Michael asked as they slowly made their way back into the house.

“I used to go to Dalton and I still have some friends there. I went there to visit them at the beginning of junior year and there he was. He seemed harmless at the time, a little blunt, but harmless.” Blaine remembered their first encounter almost like it was yesterday.

_“Blaine Anderson, Sebastian Smythe.”_

_“Hi. Are you a freshman?”_

_“Do I look like a freshman?_

To this day, he still had no idea why that question flustered him so much.

“He is harmless, trust me. His words are his weapon of choice. Then again, those can sometimes go deeper than any blade…maybe he isn’t so harmless after all. Sometimes anger and intelligence can be a very dangerous combination.”

Blaine just nodded his agreement. “I’m sorry, by the way. If my being here makes him want to stay away.”

“What? No, don’t be. It’s not your fault. I don’t even understand why he’s behaving this way; as far as I knew you two had made peace.”

“We did…kind of…I think…I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since Regionals.”

“Hmm. Want some coffee?”

“Please.”

“Do you have any plans for college yet?” Michael asked.

“Well I would like to go to New York and study music, I guess. But the _where_ part has yet to be defined.” Blaine had wanted to go to NYADA, but now that him and Kurt had broken up, and with Kurt still refusing to speak to him, that didn’t seem very plausible.

“New York? Nice. I have a niece whose in _Julliard_ , and she absolutely loves it.”

“Can you sing?” Blaine wondered.

“Me?”

“Yeah. I just figured that Sebastian had to inherit his music ability from somewhere, and it obviously runs in the family.” He shrugged.

“I’ve never really tried, honestly. Outside of the shower, my singing opportunities have been somewhat limited. Sebastian on the other hand has been singing ever since I can remember. He always got the lead in his school musicals, taught himself to play both the piano and the guitar and somewhere along the way he even went for dance lessons.”

“Yeah, there’s no denying his talent.” Blaine agreed, remembering his Regionals’ performances of _Stand_ and _Glad You Came_.

“Whose talent?” A third person had entered the room. Sebastian.

“Elton John’s.” Blaine responded quickly.

“Uh-huh,” Sebastian knew that they had been talking about him. “Hi, Blaine.”

“Hey, Sebastian. Long time no see.”

“Yeah.” Is what he said, but what he was thinking went more along the lines of _‘not long enough’_.

“Where were you?” Michael asked his son.

“Mind your own business.” Sebastian shrugged, grabbing an apple.

“It happens to be my business.” He felt bad about having this conversation in front of Blaine, but he hoped that the boy’s presence might improve his son’s chances of actually answering the question.

“Says who?”

“Me. Your father.”

“Look, we can either get into this right now in front of our ‘guest’, or you can just drop the damn thing and let the rest of us move on with our lives. Personally I prefer option number two, but it’s entirely up to you. I’ll be in my room.” Sebastian said as he ascended the staircase.

Blaine was silent. He couldn’t believe that someone would actually talk to their dad like that.

“I’m sorry about that. He has a lot of mood swings. Tonight he’s in his ‘leave me alone’ mood.” Michael handed Blaine the cup of coffee.

“Thanks,” he stared down at his feet, trying to muster up enough courage to ask the question he desperately wanted to ask, “can I ask you something personal?”

Mr. Smythe studied him for a second before nodding.

“Doesn’t it bother you that you speaks to you like that?”

“Does it bother me? Yes, it does. But I act like it doesn’t because the alternative scares me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes when Sebastian and I fight, he gets really worked up. And I don’t even have to do anything, he manages to do it all by himself. And when he does, he gets this look in his eyes, like I’m the most disgusting despicable man on earth. Like he hates me; _really_ hates me. That look scares the crap out of me, because every time he storms out of the house, I feel like he’s never coming back. And it leaves me constantly wondering how many more fights, how many more times is he going to tell me that he wishes he had any father but me before he decides that I’m just not worth it anymore. I would do anything to stop him from leaving; anything.” Michael stared down at the counter as he spoke. He had never voiced his fears out loud before.

“You really think he’d do that? Leave, I mean.” Blaine asked softly.

“I have no idea. I’ve raised him for 17 years, but I – I feel like I don’t know him at all.”


	2. Dreamworld

 

Charlie smiled as he grabbed Sebastian’s hand and led him into the house. Sebastian couldn’t help but mentally roll his eyes at Charlie’s excitement; he was obviously an amateur. This was sad considering the amount of years he had on the Warbler. _Oh well,_ Sebastian thought to himself, _maybe I can get this over with sooner than I had hoped._

“Bed or couch?” Charlie asked in a voice that was meant to sound seductive.

Another eye-roll. “Does it really make a difference?”

“Well, no,” He agreed sheepishly, “Are you sure you’re over 18? I could get into a lot of trouble if you’re lying to me, man.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you ask way too many questions?” With that, Sebastian grabbed the other male by the forearm and pulled him into a kiss. Any further investigating on Charlie’s part was quickly forgotten when he felt Sebastian’s lips make contact with his own.

Sebastian winced when Charlie forced his tongue into the teen’s mouth and accidentally bit down when the act was reciprocated. The elder male’s hands started to explore every inch of Sebastian’s torso, but became impatient and fumbled to get his shirt off. Sebastian’s unwillingness went completely unnoticed, and two seconds later he was bare-chested. Charlie broke the kiss to stare at the half-naked teenager in front of him before aggressively shoving him backward onto the couch and positioning himself on his lap. Sebastian bit his own lip to stop himself from making some sort of snarky comment about Charlie’s anger issues.

The two continued to make out and roam their hands over each other’s bodies for another two minutes, at which point Charlie moved his fingers toward Sebastian’s belt buckle. The latter stiffened, and not in a good way. Doing his best to be subtle, Sebastian took hold of the older male’s hands and brought them back up to his chest. He knew that he was going to have to work fast if he wanted to successfully distract Charlie, and so he wasted no time before gently caressing the man’s thighs and slowly bringing his fingers higher and higher. Charlie sighed and attempted to unbuckle Sebastian’s belt for the second time.

“Would you cut that out?” Sebastian snapped, seemingly annoyed.

Charlie looked confused. “Did I misread your intentions or something? I thought this is what you wanted.”

“This I have no problem with. But keep your hands away from my dick or you might just lose yours.” Charlie laughed. It was Sebastian’s turn to be confused. “What the hell is so funny?”

“You. Yeah, see, you obviously don’t know me if you think I give one single piece of crap about what you want and don’t want me to do to you.” He replied with a menacing smile.

_Get out of here. Get out of here right now!_ A voice at the back of Sebastian’s mind was screaming at him. He did his best to keep the fear out of his voice, “Get off of me. Now.”

“Why don’t you try and make me?”

Deciding that he wasn’t going to spend another second in the presence of a pervert, the teen moved almost lightning fast as he punched Charlie in the jaw, and taking advantage of his momentary distraction, shoved him off of his lap and onto the floor. Sebastian didn’t cast a single behind him as he grabbed his shirt and exited the house, slamming the door behind him. Since his paranoia was telling him that this guy could potentially be a psychopath, he made a quick decision to run home instead of the usual walk. The adrenaline coursing through his veins increased his endurance, and he had made it almost all the way back to his house before the fire in his legs prevented him from going any further. After stopping to catch his breath, he briskly walked the rest of the way.

Sebastian managed to hold it in as he ascended the large staircase that led to the first floor of his pointlessly large house, but it was almost impossible as he rushed toward the entrance to his bedroom, and ultimately, his only solace. As soon as he had successfully shut the door behind him, he couldn’t take it anymore, and sunk to his knees before he could even make it to the bed. The tears flowed freely as his shoulders shook with the silent sobs.

Sebastian was determined to calm himself down and tried to regulate his out-of-control breathing, but it wasn’t making a difference. His mind kept doing that whole ‘what if’ thing, making it nearly impossible to focus on anything else. The answer came to him as he unclenched his shaking hands. Not even bothering to get back on his unstable legs, he half-crawled and half walked on his knees toward his dresser, where he commenced to open one of the drawers and retrieve the desired object: a scalpel he had once stolen from a hospital.

Blade in hand, he was about to lower it down to his wrist, but quickly decided against it, as it would leave scars that would be much too visible for his liking. Sebastian then redirected the scalpel to the underside of his upper-arm, and began to pierce the skin. After he made the first cut, he grimaced when he noticed that it was barely even bleeding. He was about to try again, but jumped suddenly when he heard a knock on his door.

“Sebastian, are you in here?” It was his father.

Cursing under his breath, he put the scalpel back inside the drawer and forced his legs to stand up and walk over to the bed. “No.”

“Where have you been all night?” Asked the voice from the other side of the door.

“None of your bees-wax, old man. Now will you please just leave me the hell alone?”

“I’m never going to stop trying to be your dad, you know. Because that’s exactly what I am, whether you like it or not. So goodnight, son.” He could hear his father heave a sigh. And then Michael was gone.

Sebastian brought his hands up to his face and used them to cover his mouth as fresh tears blurred his vision. There was no way he would ever let his dad hear him cry. Especially since it was always his fault. No matter how long or how hard he tried, he would never be able to forgive Michael Smythe for everything he had done to him all those years ago.

 

**…**

Sebastian awoke to find himself almost completely drenched in sweat. His breaths were coming too fast and he had a major headache. Ignoring the fatigue that continuously plagued his ability to keep his eyes open, he headed for his bathroom to take shower. The stream of hot water made him feel better almost instantly; that is, until he spotted the fresh cut on the underside of his left arm, and all memories came flooding back to him.

His bad mood turned worse when he went downstairs and noticed that the house was completely and utterly empty. Sebastian couldn’t help but wonder what his father could be doing on a Sunday afternoon? The answer hit him when he realized that Blaine was nowhere to be seen either. _The damn hobbit hasn’t even been here for two whole days, and yet he’s already getting on my nerves._

Wearing the face of an annoyed child, he crossed his arms over his chest and planted himself down on the couch. It wasn’t that he had no one to go hang out with, because he did; in fact, he often found himself having to choose who he was less not in the mood for, but somehow the events of the previous night had worn him out to the point where just having to walk from the living room to the garage seemed like too much trouble.

Sebastian had almost fallen asleep again when the sound of the front door opening brought him back to his senses. Michael and Blaine walked into the room, both wearing big smiles like they had just been laughing about something. For some reason this caused Sebastian’s blood to start boiling.

Michael was the first to notice him. “Oh, you’re awake, good. We just went to fetch Blaine’s car from the dealership.”

“Do I look like I care?” Sebastian snapped.

“I told you he’d be in a bad mood.” His father mumbled to Blaine, who was looking at Sebastian with a neutral expression.

“I bet you just love to talk about me behind my back, then?”

“Oh, get over yourself, boy, I was just kidding. And there is absolutely nothing I would be too afraid to say to your face, so you never have to worry about my gossip.” Michael replied sarcastically.

Sebastian snorted. “How are the two of us even related? I’m me, and you’re, well, an idiot. Sometimes I wonder if Mom didn’t maybe cheat on you.”

Blaine’s even expression quickly turned to anger. Michael just shook his head and rolled his eyes. “If that were the case, then you would be in quite the situation, wouldn’t you? No man in his right mind would be able to put up with you, and your mother obviously doesn’t want you there with her.”

Sebastian’s lips parted slightly. He would have preferred if his dad had used a tire iron to bash his face in. It would have hurt less. He forced his feelings away and said, “At least you’d be rid of me.”

His father looked like he was about to say something, but obviously decided against it and just walked away instead. Blaine was left standing in the middle of the room, feeling very uncomfortable and out of place. “What’s the matter, Anderson? Did it suddenly occur to you that maybe no one actually wants you here?”

Blaine’s anger returned. “I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but I can assure you that I want to be here a million times less than you may want me here. Now I don’t know why your dad let’s you push him around, but the one thing I do know is that there is no way I’m going to let you do the same to me. And if I remember correctly, if anyone around here deserves to be angry, it’s me. But I moved on, and I forgave you…don’t make me regret it.”

“You’re right, how would I ever sleep at night without your forgiveness? Oh wait, that’s right, I don’t give a rat’s ass what you do.” Sebastian knew that it wasn’t right for him to take his frustrations out on Blaine, but if the damn under-grown idiot was going to constantly invade his personal space, then he could hardly be blamed for his actions.

“Would you please tell me what exactly it is that I did to piss you off so much? Because for the life of me, I can’t think of a single thing I’ve ever done to you.” Blaine narrowed his eyes.

“Who said you have to do something to get on my nerves? Your presence alone is enough.” Sebastian smiled sarcastically.

“So that’s what this is all about? Me being here? What exactly do you propose I do about it? How many times do I have to tell you that it _wasn’t my idea_?” Blaine was beginning to feel like a broken record.

“Oh, there are many things you could do. For example, jump in front of a bus, take some pills, find some rope, fall off a cliff, buy a gun. Endless possibilities, really.” He shrugged.

Blaine stared at him blankly, trying to figure out if Sebastian had really just said that to him. It probably shouldn’t have surprised him, but somehow he had thought that even _Sebastian Smythe_ wouldn’t actually suggest suicide. Even though he knew the taller teen wasn’t being serious, it was still a bit much. “That is not funny.”

“Do I look like I’m laughing?” Sebastian arched an eyebrow.

Then the strangest things happened: Blaine felt a pang in his chest. Sebastian’s words had actually hurt him. He knew it was silly to pay any attention to someone who was obviously doing his best to get under his skin, but he couldn’t help but think back to those first few weeks after they had met. And this in turn made him wonder, _Who is the real Sebastian?_ Blaine wanted to believe that it was the other one, the sweet and flirty boy he had met at Dalton. But somehow it seemed more realistic that that boy had just been a persona he made up in order for him to continue his pathetic endeavor to always get what he wants. “You are probably the most selfish, arrogant, self-obsessed, ungrateful person that I have ever met.” Blaine wore a look of disgust.

The look more than anything else made Sebastian realize that his words were once again hurting someone’s feelings. Well, someone who didn’t deserve it. He wanted to apologize, it was on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. If he did, it would be the second time he’d have done so. And admitting to other people that he had made a mistake was literally one of the hardest things for Sebastian to do. He liked to believe that people got treated in the way they deserved to be treated; but someone like Blaine didn’t deserve this. These thoughts though would never be enough to make him apologize. Never.

Blaine didn’t expect  him to either. “You know, the next few weeks is going to be hell for the both of us if you don’t start accepting my presence here.”

Sebastian rose and slowly started making his way across the room toward his brunette peer. “I can handle that. Hell, I mean. Been there, done that,” He shrugged, “The question is, can you?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Blaine asked suspiciously.

“Nothing in particular. Just that I’m really good at making sure I get what I want.” Sebastian reached the former Warbler and gave him a patronizing smile.

“Oh really? Everything you want?”

Sebastian shrugged as if to say, “Pretty much”.

“I would beg to differ, since I very much remember a time when I happened to be the thing you were so confident of acquiring. Only…you didn’t.” Blaine returned the smile.

It was Sebastian’s turn to narrow his eyes. He would never have thought that Blaine would actually bring that up again, but apparently he couldn’t read the teen as well as he thought. Sebastian decided to try something different. “Is that a hint of regret I detect in your voice?”

“Regret? Really? After using me, lying to me, insulting me, throwing rock salt in my eyes, and then suggesting I go kill myself, do you actually believe that I regret not sleeping with you? I think not.” Blaine shook his head in disbelief.

“The queer doth protest too much.”

“What are you now? Homophobic?”

“Oh no. The male reproduction system is something I don’t think I could ever give up.” Sebastian winked.

“You are so narrow-minded. Huh, I never thought I’d be saying that to a gay guy.”

“Please enlighten me about my ‘narrow-mindedness’?” He arched an eyebrow as he took a step closer to Blaine, who backed up instinctively. Sebastian took another step forward, and Blaine another step back. This didn’t stop until Blaine had literally backed himself up into a corner.

“Well, for starters, you’re only interested in guys for their bodies.”

“Is that what you think?”

“It’s what I know.”

Sebastian chuckled humorlessly. “If you know so damn much, then why don’t you just write a book about it? Seriously. Who wouldn’t want to read the ramblings of an under-grown, delusional, judgmental, and excruciatingly gay teenage boy? Oh that’s right, _everyone_.”

“Whatever, Sebastian. Would you please just get out of my way?” Blaine was basically radiating annoyance. At his question, Sebastian moved even closer to him, forcing Blaine right up against the wall, and the tall Warbler an inch away from him.

“Or what?” He leaned even closer and put his lips by Blaine’s ear and whispered, “I dare you to do something.”

Blaine kept his clenched fists by his hips and mumbled, “Don’t think I can’t hurt you.”

This made Sebastian grin. “I’m more concerned with what you _would_ do, as opposed to what you _can_ do.” He slowly ran his fingers up Blaine’s arm until he reached the back of his neck, at which point he started to twirl some of the soft brown hair around his fingers. Blaine froze.

“When driven to it, I’d do anything to you.”

“Anything, huh? That does sound promising.” Sebastian whispered so close to Blaine’s ear that the latter could feel the former’s warm breath on the side of his face.

Blaine was still trying to figure out why he wasn’t just shoving Sebastian away from him. “Pervert.”

He laughed. “Oh please, flattery will get you nowhere,” Sebastian moved his fingers from the shorter brunette’s neck, and gently traced his collar bone through his dark blue shirt. “Actually, I’ve learnt that saying the right thing to the right person at the right time will get you very far in life.” Still using only his index and middle fingers, Sebastian now brushed his fingers over the place where Blaine’s heart was, down his chest, and stopping momentarily to the left of his belly button. Blaine’s breathing had sped up and he had completely forgotten about wanting to get away from Sebastian.

Sebastian, who had noticed this, grinned triumphantly and, as lightly as possible, brushed his lips against Blaine’s ear. He was suddenly absolutely determined to get a reaction out of the public school student. And not just any reaction would do; he needed a very specific one.

“Sebastian,” Blaine began, but cut himself off with a sharp intake of breath when the aforementioned Warbler’s fingers made contact with the skin on his stomach. Sebastian had subtly managed to wedge part of his hand underneath Blaine’s shirt. He had never been so happy that this part of the living room was shielded from anyone who may be lurking on the staircase. He had no idea what his father would do if he were to walk in on this.

Although Sebastian would never admit it, the way Blaine had said his name a few seconds ago made him tingle in places that would get him arrested for revealing in public. Suddenly his own heart was speeding up, and he was no longer moving his fingers down south solely for the purpose of seeing Blaine’s reaction; he was doing it because his teenage hormones were going crazy.  

Sebastian moved slowly, so that Blaine could tell him to stop at any time. But he really wished that he wouldn’t.

When Sebastian slipped a finger below the waistline of Blaine’s jeans, he held his breath to listen for a complaint, but none came. He slid his finger down a little more and was met with the soft texture of Blaine’s boxer-briefs.

“Tell me you want me to stop.” Sebastian whispered in Blaine’s ear, not even bothering to disguise the lust in his voice.

“I want you to stop.” Blaine breathed back, but they both knew he didn’t mean it.

Sebastian grinned and slid his other hand down Blaine’s back, moving slowly, caressing him. He carried on sliding his hand down until he reached the hazel-eyed teen’s ass. Sebastian thoroughly enjoyed sliding his hand over that. Blaine emitted a sound that was somewhere between a soft groan and a breathy moan.

This noise made Sebastian’s crotch fee like it was on fire. He craved friction. But there was no way he was going to allow anyone to touch him, so he got a better idea. Grabbing Blaine’s hand, he walked as fast as he could up the stairs and into his bedroom. He then locked the door behind them and turned to a nervous-looking Blaine.

The two stared at each other for a good ten seconds before they both started edging closer to the other, their hearts speeding up again. As soon as Sebastian was an arms-length away from Blaine, he took another step forward and practically ripped Blaine’s shirt off. He then grabbed the half-naked boy by the hips and pushed him back up against a wall. Sebastian couldn’t take it anymore, and pushed himself as close as physically possible against the other teen, and rolled his hips forward. He could feel Blaine’s growing erection against his.

Sebastian let out a moan. He couldn’t remember the last time something had felt so good. He started palming Blaine through his jeans at the same time as his lips made contact with Blaine’s neck. The sound that came out of his throat caused Sebastian to dig his nails into the shorter boy’s back.

“Sebastian? Sebastian, wake up.” Michael shook his son’s shoulders.

Sebastian gasped and sat upright. He looked around him and saw that he was in the living room…on the couch…by himself. Right in front of him was his father who looked at him with a very weird expression. Further back in the room was the object of his dream: Blaine. He was also staring at Sebastian.

_You have got to be kissing-I mean kidding me,_ Sebastian thought to himself. 


	3. The First Layer

Sebastian shoved him against the wall, purposely using all of his strength to do so. The goal was to inflict pain. The man, Sebastian remembered his name being Brian, groaned on impact but didn’t hesitate in the least to grab the younger male by the hips and pull him closer, forcing his tongue into Sebastian’s mouth.

Sebastian pulled away and instead planted his lips on Brian’s neck, licking a path down to his collar bone. Brian closed his eyes and arched under the teen’s kiss. Good, he thought, everything is going according to plan. Determined to move things along, Sebastian’s fingers found the buckle of the elder man’s belt and got to work undoing it. Before thirty seconds were up, Brian’s jeans had slid down to his ankles and he stood only in a T-shirt and boxers.

The Warbler grinned humorlessly against the warm skin of the other male’s neck as he slid his long fingers under the thin black material that covered Brian’s torso, lifting it up and over his head with ease. Sebastian knew exactly what he had to do now. He brought his lips back up to Brian’s as his hands found their way down to the elder man’s crotch, massaging it roughly.

Brian groaned and tightened his grip on Sebastian’s hips. The latter clenched his teeth as he slid his fingers under the strap of the former’s boxers and slowly pulled them down until they joined the forsaken jeans on the floor. If the Latino noticed that he was the only one shedding his clothes, he didn’t let on. Or maybe he didn’t care.

Sebastian was quickly becoming impatient and decided that it was time to get to business. Pulling back slightly, he whispered, “You know what pisses me off?”

Brian froze in confusion. “Huh?” He gasped.

“I asked if you knew what pisses me off. The one thing that makes me sick to my stomach.”

“How the hell would I know?” He snapped in seeming annoyance.

Sebastian smirked. “Then let me tell you. People.” He pulled his elbow backwards to gain momentum before following through and delivering a wind-stealing blow to Brian’s abdomen. “Like.” He repeated his previous action as the elder male emitted a sound somewhere between a cough and a grunt. “You.” This time when Sebastian’s fist made contact, it wasn’t with his torso. It was to his face.

Losing his balance, Brian toppled to the floor, clutching his mid-section and continuously groaning. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He choked.

“I’m not the one you should be asking that, asshole.” Snarling, the teen knelt down and spoke menacingly, “People like you don’t deserve a place in this world, and I swear I am _this close_ to correcting that mistake. But don’t worry, that doesn’t mean I am going to let you off easy.”

“You need help! What the fuck did I ever do to you?” Brian’s eyes were glistening as he exclaimed the words as loud as he could.

“This isn’t about me. It’s about you. For your sake, I hope you have a high tolerance for pain.” With that Sebastian rose and stood there staring down at the other male, disgust obvious in his features. Absolutely no hesitation was present in his mind as he used his right foot to kick Brian in the ribs. What surprised him most was the fact that the older man wasn’t putting up any kind of resistance. Usually the men would struggle or throw all kinds of curse words at him, but not Brian.

“You don’t even have the freaking guts to stand up for yourself, you worthless little scumbag! Put up a fight! Do something!” The more he yelled, the harder his kicks became. He was frustrated and full of anger, and he was taking it all out on the naked injured man lying in front of him. Something at the back of Sebastian’s mind was screaming at him to stop, to get himself under control. If he didn’t, there could literally be grave consequences. But for some reason, right now he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Brian stopped moving. This in turn caused Sebastian to stop what he was doing too. He bent down again and held the palm of his hand in front of the other man’s nose, the color suddenly drained from his face. Sebastian breathed a sigh of relief when he felt barely-noticeable puffs of warm air creating a tickling sensation on his skin.

“For a second there I thought I was going to have to say ‘rot in hell’. What a wasted opportunity. Oh well, I think I made my point. I hope you choke on your fucking saliva, faggot.” He fought the urge to spit as he grabbed his jacket off the floor and departed the house, feeling a huge sense of relief that it was all over. For now, at least.

 

**~3~**

“What? No! No, you can’t do that!” Sebastian yelled at his father the following morning.

“Son, please, I don’t have the energy for this argument right now. I am going to DC and you are going to stay here. This is final.” Michael was exhausted, having barely slept at all the previous evening. For once he had hoped to have a conversation with his son without it having to end up in a screaming match. Clearly, he had set his hopes too high.

“Stop telling me what to do! Gaah!” Sebastian’s frustration and anger from last night had never subsided and unfortunately he no longer had anyone to take it out on, so his father was the poor unsuspecting victim. Burying his head in his hands, the Warbler was doing everything in his power to calm himself down.

Michael blinked. He could tell something was wrong but figured it pointless to ask, since his son hadn’t willingly given up a piece of information about himself since his wife had gone back to Paris. “Look, I’m sorry if this inconveniences you in some way. Not that I understand why, since you barely even recognize my presence when I _am_ here.”

“It’s not that you stupid dimwit, it’s the fact that you’re leaving me here alone with that damn under-grown piece of –”

“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence, young man.” He warned.

This served only to antagonize Sebastian even further. At first he just stood there, glaring at his dad like he was the most evil person on earth. Then after a few moments he said, “I bet if Blaine had been your son you wouldn’t have fucked his life up like you did mine. Why don’t you just go ahead and adopt him? Don’t worry about me, I’ll go find myself a nice curb to die on.”

These were potentially the most painful words Michael had ever heard coming from the lips of his own child. There hadn’t been a single second in this boy’s life where Michael hadn’t put his son’s best interests before his own, his son’s happiness first. He had given him everything he ever needed, and to an extent, wanted. It had almost destroyed him when he realized that his child’s happiness was beyond his control, and that the kid almost always seemed depressed. Somewhere, somehow, everything had changed and it was all his fault. “Despite what you may have intended with those words, I am choosing to believe that you don’t mean them. Now if you would please excuse me, I have to pack before I go.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a spineless asshole? Because you are.”

His father ignored him as he stepped past to get to the staircase that led up to his bedroom.

“I wish you had just kept it in your pants and never screwed my mother. That way I would never have been born and I wouldn’t have to deal with all the crap this damn corrupted universe keeps throwing at me.” Sebastian said this mostly to himself, but it didn’t stop his dad from hearing. This too he chose to ignore.

On route to the hallway, Michael ran into Blaine who had just arrived back from school. The boy looked exhausted and kept rubbing his eyes. “If I were you, I’d stay as far away from my son as possible. He is in a particularly bad mood this morning. I just told him about my trip to DC.”

“Ah. Don’t worry, I had no interest in making small talk with him anyhow.” He gave a weak smile.

“I really have to apologize again, leaving the two of you alone here. But there is absolutely no way that I can get out of this thing at work; believe me, I’ve tried.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Smythe. I totally get it.” Blaine told him reassuringly. Michael returned his smile and put a hand on his shoulder as he carried on in the direction he had been heading.

“You can have him if you want. He’s just a pathetic old jackass if you ask me, but hey, to each his own.” Sebastian crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe.

Blaine gave him a pointed look. “I wonder if you can hear yourself sometimes.”

“Am I offending you? Poor little baby,” He rolled his eyes, “You know, he isn’t the freaking saint you seem to think he is. Everyone has their share of secrets that set them apart from the person next to them. Metaphorically speaking, of course.”

“I am aware of that, thank you. But I honestly don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“And you probably never will. Don’t worry, not everyone can be as smart as I am. If they were, well, then I guess I wouldn’t be considered all that special.”

Blaine snorted. “What? So now I’m stupid? Honestly Sebastian, you really ought to come down to earth sometimes. Being one of us mere mortals isn’t all that bad.”

“Now you really do sound stupid. Being human is hell. And if you don’t know that, then you’re one of those lucky few who can walk through the sea of depression and come out the other side with an ignorant smile on your face because you have no idea what it’s like to live in the real world. But if that’s the way you choose to go through life, then who the hell am I to stop you?”

The shorter boy stared in what could only be interpreted as confusion. “What on earth are you talking about? Seriously, are you, like, smoking something?”

Sebastian almost laughed. Almost. “Nah, been there, done that. It didn’t solve anything. Never really does if you think about it; but I guess if you’re stoned enough of the time, then you wouldn’t actually have to face any of your problems. Beside the obvious drug one anyway.”

“Uh-huh. You really should give your dad a break sometimes.” Blaine said casually as he took a seat on the nearest couch. Sebastian heaved a sigh of annoyance.

“You really shouldn’t be telling me what to do. In case you forgot, this is still my house.”

The shorter boy nodded patronizingly. “I’ll do my best to remember that. But you know, that might just get in the way of my stealing your father away from you.”

Sebastian’s bottom lip sank slightly. He clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes, “You stupid little bastard. Do not get on my bad side. I can assure you that you will live and beg to regret it.”

“Is that supposed to intimidate me? Do you have any idea why I transferred to Dalton in the first place?” Blaine rose from his seat and slowly moved across the room, closing the distance between himself and his peer. “I was bullied, Sebastian. Almost every single day of my junior year was spent being teased, insulted, mocked, ridiculed, assaulted, pushed around, or all of the above. I was one of the only two openly gay kids and this somehow automatically made me a waste of space; but it also taught me that I need to be very careful about whose opinions I choose to care about. And you wanna know something? Yours is not one of them.” He only stopped walking when he was about two inches away from the boy standing before him. “I know what it’s like to be bullied, and you sure as hell as don’t scare me.”

Sebastian was actually speechless for a moment. He wasn’t used to being stood up to, let alone being stood up to by a boy who was shorter than most pre-teen girls. “You’re obviously one of those people who live by ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’. I hate to burst your bubble, but being gay is not an outside thing, it’s something that resides within you. So if people aren’t allowed to judge you by what you look like or what you wear, and they’re also not allowed to judge you because of who you are on the inside, then what exactly is one supposed to base their opinions on?”

“Are you actually insinuating that it was within the right of all those kids at my old school to bully me because I’m attracted to guys instead of girls?”

Sebastian shrugged nonchalantly. “All I’m saying is that if you supposedly have the right to choose your sexual orientation, then shouldn’t they have the right to not approve of said sexuality? As they say, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.”

“That is not even remotely the same thing! How could you even say something like that? I don’t really know how it could have slipped your mind, but as you seem to have forgotten, you’re gay too.” Blaine pointed out, confusion reigning over his features.

“You and I are not the same. _Never_ imply that we are, because I can assure you that we are not. I take personal offence at insinuations like that. Now if you would please excuse me, the sight of you is giving me a headache.” Sebastian brushed past him, purposely shoving his shoulder in the process.

Blaine took a deep breath and stared at the floor, wishing more than ever that his parents had taken him with them. He dreaded having to spend the next few days alone in a house alone with Sebastian Smythe. He tried really hard to pretend that nothing the taller boy said mattered to him, but despite his faking, he wasn’t making it. Whenever the Warbler opened his mouth in the direction of Blaine, the latter usually ended up with hurt feelings.

 

**~3~**

Blaine yawned as he shifted into a sitting position and reached for his phone to check the time. It was 3:34 in the morning, and he still couldn’t sleep. Heaving a frustrated sigh, he got up and out of bed, deciding that a drink of water could settle his noisy thoughts.

As he stumbled down the large staircase he wondered if his teenage housemate was in his room, or completely vacant from the premises. Michael had left earlier that day and Sebastian had refused to accompany him to the airport. Blaine could not understand how someone could be so mean and disrespectful to a person who obviously cared a lot for his son despite all of it. Some people just did not make any sense.

It was as he brought the water-filled cup up to his lips that he heard movement at the front of the house. He frowned slightly but didn’t think too much of it, since he assumed it was just Sebastian returning home from doing whatever, or _whoever_ , he was doing. A moment later though, his face became devoid of color. Blaine could see figures now, and none of them belonged to a teenage boy. Doing his best to not breathe, he hurried back up the steps without making a single sound and all but ran when he reached the hallway.

He couldn’t believe his luck when he realized that, for the first time ever, Sebastian had forgotten to lock his bedroom door. Turning the knob slowly, he snuck into the room and closed the door behind him. He then tiptoed over to the bed and once again breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that it was in fact occupied. Putting one knee down on the edge of the mattress, he grabbed hold of what he assumed was Sebastian’s shoulder (the lack of light in the room made it hard to see) and shook gently. “Sebastian, wake up.” He whispered. It suddenly occurred to Blaine that the first thing he should have done was walk back to his room, pick up his damn phone and call 911.

Sebastian woke with a jump and an exclaimed “What the fuck!”. When he realized what had happened, he angrily shoved Blaine away from him. “What in the hell is wrong with you, you-” Sebastian was cut off when Blaine clasped a hand over the taller boy’s mouth and used his other hand to slap him lightly on the side of his head.

“Shut up!” Blaine hissed. Sebastian froze and blinked at him with wide eyes. “There are people in the house. I don’t know how they got in or who they are, but I just saw them downstairs. Please tell me you were expecting the company of three grown men?”

Sebastian continued to blink until he eventually shook his head. Removing Blaine’s hand from his face, he whispered, “They must be intruders. Should we call the police?”

“That’s kind of what they’re there for. Where’s your phone? Mine’s back in my room.”

“Uhhh, I think it’s on charge in the living room. Crap!” He rubbed his temple as he thought.

“Great. Now what?” The New Directions member gave a reluctant grunt as he realized that there was only one thing they could do. “One of us is going to have to leave this room to retrieve a phone whilst the other stays here.”

“But what if they’re armed?”

“It’s not like we have a choice, Sebastian. Look, you stay here and keep an ear out. I’ll go get my phone.” Blaine rose from the bed, but couldn’t get a step in before a hand was gripping his wrist.

Sebastian opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but no words came out. The shorter teen looked at him expectantly, slightly confused by what was happening. When it became evident that Sebastian wasn’t actually going to say anything, Blaine pulled his arm free and headed toward the door without a single glance back to the boy on the bed.

The Warbler clutched the bed-spread tightly as his heart-rate increased and the pauses between his breaths decreased in length. He couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that was taking over his whole body. There was a sudden loud noise that reverberated through the house, causing the blood to drain from Sebastian’s face. He couldn’t place exactly what the noise was, but it made him nervous as hell. Too impatient to sit still any longer, he rose from the bed and slowly edged toward the door, and being extra careful to not make a single sound, he pressed his ears against the cold wood. He was met with nothing but stillness. Stillness so potent it actually unnerved him.

Another sudden loud noise made him lose his balance and fall backwards, no longer perched on his knees. He was suddenly convinced that the sound must have come from Blaine. _They killed him_ , he thought, his mind overcome with unexpected dread. _It’s all my fault. I should never have the let the kid go out there by himself. He’s shorter than Frodo, what could he do against normal-sized people? What the heck is my dad going to say? What is Blaine’s dad going to say? Could this be considered manslaughter?_

Sebastian forced the childish thoughts out of his head as he resumed his kneeling position and once again planted his ear against the door. And just like last time, he was met with silence. He had no idea what to do. If he left the room then they would probably kill him as well. Although the fate of death didn’t bother him as much as it should have, the method by which it was brought about kept him from treading those waters. Forcing himself to remain calm, he wracked his brain for a logical solution for his current predicament. His mind was drawing a blank. He was overcome with the sensation of wishing that his father were here right now. Michael Smythe was no fool, quite the contrary. So if anyone was going to know what to do in any given situation, it’d be him. Then again, he thought, if my dad were actually here, he’d probably try to take on these guys by himself, no doubt ending in him getting injured. The thought of anyone hurting his father caused a nauseating feeling to arise in the pit of his stomach.

Sebastian wondered for a second if this could be karma. His punishment for all the pain he had bestowed upon others, both physical and emotional. But that wouldn’t make any sense; Blaine hadn’t done anything wrong. Had he? Not likely. Someone like him was just way too nice to do something that would merit this kind of chastisement.

When the third of the unidentifiable noises struck, he froze. A moment later his being stunned turned into senseless grief. Sebastian couldn’t understand why he was so sad. Honestly, he shook his head, these damn mood swings are getting on my nerves. One would swear that he took gender-replacement tablets in his free time.

His knees were starting to cramp, so he decided to stand up straight. Just as he stretched his legs into their full-length capabilities, the door swung open from the other side, colliding with Sebastian’s forehead and once again causing his feet to be knocked out from under him. He would have landed with a loud thud on the wooden floors beneath him if it weren’t for the arms that snaked around his waist and pulled him forward. Sebastian couldn’t brace himself in time, so all of his weight was thrown into Blaine, who was apparently stronger than he looked, since he didn’t even stagger when confronted with all of Sebastian’s 185 pounds.

Still holding on to his taller peer, Blaine quietly shut the door behind him. Sebastian frowned and pulled away. “You’re alive.”

“You were hoping that they’d kill me?”

“No, I just assumed since you were gone so long, and those strange noises…” He trailed off.                     

“Those noises came from your father’s desks and cabinets being thrown over. I think they’re looking for something, and I think they’re getting frustrated because they can’t find it. But one thing I am fairly sure of is that they don’t know about us. They must have somehow known that your dad would be leaving today, but wherever they got their information from must not have known about you. Or me.” Blaine spoke in a rushed whisper.

“Did you call the cops?”

He nodded. “I did. But the guy I was speaking to didn’t sound all that convinced; he probably thought I was some punk trying to play a trick on them. I have no idea how long it will be before help arrives.” He hesitated. “This may be an odd question, but does your dad by any chance have a gun?”

“A gun?” Sebastian repeated as if the concept was somehow foreign to him. “Maybe. Probably. But I wouldn’t know where. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly what you’d call ‘emotionally stable’. No one in their right mind would give me access to firearms.”

Before he could reply however, there was the distinct sound of footsteps ascending the staircase that led to the hallway housing the bedroom the two boys were currently hiding in. A sudden intake of breath could be heard from Blaine who instinctually grabbed hold of Sebastian’s arm. The latter barely noticed.

“They’re going to kill us.” Sebastian stated blankly, earning a frightened look from the shorter teen. For reasons he couldn’t place, it bothered him severely to see panic glistening in Blaine’s abnormally large eyes.

“Don’t say that. Please don’t say that.” He pleaded in a voice that almost didn’t belong to him.

“I’m not going to let them hurt you.” Sebastian assured him. Then, as an afterthought, he added, “Don’t be such a baby.”

Both of them turned to look at the door when the footsteps had successfully reached the hallway. Voices could be heard too. “Are you sure there’s no one else here?”

“Of course I’m sure.”

“What about the kid? I know this guy has a kid.”

“The boy’s a delinquent as far as I hear. He’s probably in juvie or something.”

“I suggest we check all the room just in case.”

“Fine, if it’ll shut you up, then we can check the damn rooms.”

On impulse, Sebastian shoved Blaine back with his arm, standing in front of him protectively. The action came as a surprise to both of them. “What do we do now?” Blaine asked.

“I-I don’t know. You did boxing and I did mixed martial arts, so I guess we hope that these guys don’t have any weapons. If they don’t, then I know we can take them.”

“And if they do?”

The question hung in the air between them, neither prepared to think about the answer.

More voices came from the hallways. “Don’t even bother with that one, I already checked it. There’s no one in there.” A Pause. “Hang on, come over here for a second. I think I heard something.”

“What?”

“I don’t know, but it came from this room.”

“Are you sure?”

“Only one way to find out.”

The door to Sebastian’s room swung open.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	4. Not Like You

Sebastian clasped his hand over Blaine’s mouth as he shoved him back against the wall. The latter struggled slightly, his eyes narrowing in confusion as he resisted the urge to bite into the hand covering his mouth. Sebastian huffed in annoyance and shoved Blaine again, this time harder. It was at that second that the bedroom door swung open. Both boys froze instantly.

Blaine shut his eyes tightly as fear swept over him. He tried to control his rapidly beating heart; the citizens of Canada would be able to hear at this pace. His efforts well all in vain though, since the more he tried to slow it down, the more it would retaliate and do the exact opposite. And it certainly didn’t help that Sebastian’s warm body was so far pressed into his own, he could no longer tell where one began and the other ended. Blaine felt a steady rhythm playing against his chest and mentally glared at the taller boy for being better at controlling his fear.

“Do you see anything?” One of the male voices asked.

“Would you be quiet and give me a second?” The other snapped.

“Get ready to run,” Sebastian whispered softly. So soft in fact, that it took Blaine an additional two seconds to figure out what he had said.

Blinking, he replied with, “What?”       

“Me distract, you find 5-0.” Sebastian’s breath tickled his neck.

At first Blaine thought that the Warbler was mocking him, but then suddenly realized that he was saving his words. Only speaking the ones that were necessary, in case the intruders heard him. Blaine shook his head. “No.”

Sebastian growled in his ear. “Blaine...”

“Not leaving you.”

“Both need not die.” He responded. Now he was definitely mocking him.

“You need not be martyr, asshole.” Blaine almost hissed. He couldn’t believe that Sebastian expected him to turn his back and walk out the door, ignoring the fact that the latter could get seriously injured if not worse. What was even more surprising was that Sebastian would do something so selfless. Blaine realized that he must be missing the catch.

“What was that?” The higher of the two voices asked. The boys tensed up.

“What was what?”

“That noise. It sounded like...I don’t know. But it was definitely suspicious.”

“You really ought to stop watching those _Law and Order_ marathons.” He mumbled.

“I’m telling you there is someone in this house. Beside us, I mean.”

“Whatever.” The skeptical one rolled his eyes and exited the room. The other remained paranoid, casting suspicious glances at all corners of the room. That is, all but one. The boys were hiding in the corner that was located directly behind the bedroom door. The wall arched, leaving a barely noticeable dent in the wall.

After another minute or so, the second intruder gave up and evacuated the room also, but made very sure to keep the door open just in case.

Blaine breathed out in relief when he was certain they were now successfully out of earshot. “What do we do now?” He whispered.

“We wait.”

He nodded and pushed Sebastian off of him. For reasons unknown to him, he suddenly felt angry. And that anger was directed at his taller peer, who was eyeing him in what could have been confusion, annoyance, or both.

Blaine knew that none of this was technically Sebastian’s fault, but it bothered him immensely that the latter had been so willing to pointlessly sacrifice himself. A sacrifice that would have served absolutely not purpose, except maybe to break the heart of his father.

Sebastian, who was completely oblivious to the back-and-forth thoughts swimming around the mind of the McKinley student, stepped forward yet again to close the distance between the two of them. Blaine wasted no time in shoving him away. Also again.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Sebastian asked, “If I don’t move forward, they are going to see me, dumbass. So would you please cut it out already?”

Blaine eyed him angrily, saying nothing. The Warbler took this as a surrender and repeated his previous action of pushing the shorter teen against the wall in an attempt to make the two of them as small as physically possible. Blaine did not push him away, but instead turned his head to the side so that he would no longer have to look Sebastian in the eye.

Sebastian noticed this and it pissed him off. He had no idea what had suddenly gotten into Blaine, but he didn’t like it. “Cut it out.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Oh really? Then tell me. What exactly am I doing that bothers you so damn much?”

The two bickered back and forth, but took extra care to not speak anything above a barely-audible whisper.

“Bite me.”

Blaine chuckled humorlessly at Sebastian’s obvious irritable state. “Would you just shut up and stand still already? You are going to make them hear us.”

“Says the one is clearly incapable of whispering!”

“I said, ‘shut up!’”

The footsteps in the hallway returned and no one had to tell them to be quiet. Since they couldn’t see what was happening, they were forced to guess. To them it seemed like the man was just standing there, waiting to hear something that would give their location away. Without even noticing that they were doing it, both teens stopped breathing at the exact same moment.

Minutes passed and still the man remained standing just outside the door. Just when it seemed like he as inevitably going to re-enter the room, they heard shuffling and someone descending the staircase.

“There are three. Where are the other two?” Blaine wondered.

“Do I look like I know?”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Next time someone asks me who I would take with me to a deserted island, I’ll make extra clear that it wouldn’t be you. You are beyond useless.”

“Oh, like you’re one to talk.”

“I would like to remind you that it was me who snuck back into my room and called the cops while you waited here and silently prayed that they would kill me.” Blaine mumbled.

“If I really wanted them to kill you, trust me, I would not be praying silently.”

“Asshole.”

“Hobbit.”

“Twink.”

“Jackass.”

“Douchebag.”

“Moron.”

“Brat.”

“Faggot.” It slipped out of Sebastian’s mouth before he could even register what he was saying, but he could tell by Blaine’s sudden intake of breath that it was the wrong thing to say. They both went silent again and Blaine tried desperately to squeeze himself through the wall behind him in a futile attempt to get away from Sebastian.

Loud noises could be heard from downstairs, but there wasn’t much they could do but ignore it.

“Have you considered that maybe it’s in the kid’s room?” The voice appeared so suddenly, Blaine almost jumped.

“We already checked it out, remember? There was nothing useful in there.”

“Do what you want, but I’m going to double check.”

“You do that.”Another pair footsteps descended the stairs. _Two down, one to go,_ Sebastian thought.

“You might have them fooled, but I know better. You might as well just out now and save me the trouble; I’m going to find you anyway.” The man announced with a cruel smile.

Blaine’s throat involuntarily made a sound and that was all it took. It didn’t take the intruder a moment to find them and grab Sebastian by the back of his shoulder, throwing him backwards onto the floor. Before he even moved toward Blaine, he yelled at the top of his lungs, “Up here! We have some company!”

Blaine took the man’s momentary distraction into account and delivered a punch to his jaw. He staggered slightly, but was otherwise seemingly unharmed. The man turned back to Blaine was deadly glare and moved to grab him, but Sebastian grabbed onto his legs, sending him tumbling to the floor.

Just then the other two intruders showed up and, as if the three of them had a psychic connection, they grabbed Blaine by the hem of his shirt and dragged him over to the other side of the room. Blaine struggled and attempted to fight them, but not only were they bigger and taller, but they had obvious fight training under their belts.

Meanwhile, Sebastian and Intruder #1 were wrestling on the floor, too evenly matched to inflict any kind of real injuries.

Blaine, however, was not so lucky. Intruder #2 had him pinned up against the wall, whilst Intruder #3 used every trick known to him to inflict as much pain as possible upon the helpless teen. He used his elbow to strike Blaine’s jaw, and used the boy’s scream as encouragement to land another blow to the gut. He waited until the teen looked like he was barely conscious before he pulled out his pocket knife. Blaine’s eyes widened and he startled struggling even harder.

Intruder #3 grinned maliciously as he slid the cold metallic blade against the surface of Blaine’s neck, barely breaking skin. The teen whimpered and thrashed in the strong arms of Intruder #2, who didn’t even seem to notice.

“You really chose a crappy night to be home, kid.” He traced his previous cut with the knife, this time applying more pressure. Blaine screamed as the blood stained his shirt.

Sebastian lifted his head at the sound of the scream, and thus lost the edge in his own fight. Intruder #1 grabbed him from behind in a rear-naked choke, barely managing to wrap his legs around Sebastian’s waist, therefore securing the position. The Warbler thrashed and squirmed with all of his might, and although he did a good enough job of preventing the blood-choke from being effective, it wasn’t quite enough to release himself from the grip.

Sebastian was on the verge of tears. He could hear the cries of pain being emitted by Blaine, but since the intruders were obscuring his view of the boy, there was no way for him to see what they were doing to him. “Stop it! Please! Just leave him alone!” He found himself yelling.

The Universe heard his plea and came to his rescue. The arrival of a police siren cause all three men to curse simultaneously and let go of their respective teens. Sebastian choked and gagged, his throat burning from the extended constriction. He was vaguely aware of the intruders fleeing the room, but was more concerned with getting to Blaine. He crawled over to the motionless body in the opposite side of the room and gasped when he saw that barely any features were visible beneath the blood that covered his face.

“Blaine? Blaine, talk to me. Blaine!” Sebastian shook his shoulders. Nothing. “Help! Would somebody please just come help me!?” He was freaking out on the inside (and the outside) and was on the verge of having a panic attack. He couldn’t understand why the police weren’t coming to help him; they’d been here a minute ago.

“He is going to die! Someone better fucking help me!” Sebastian demanded, raising his voice to its maximum capacity. He pushed himself up off the floor and left the room, ignoring the feeling of wanting to pass out. He searched the rooms and then the hallway, but found nothing. He heaved a sigh and ventured downstairs. It was quiet; absolutely no sounds could be heard beside the loud thumps of his heart. Peering outside the windows, he noticed that there was no police car in sight. _What the hell?_  Sebastian wondered.

Realizing that no one was on their way to help, he ran back upstairs and retrieved the first-aid kit from his father’s bedroom. Sebastian forced himself to remain calm, mentally reprimanding himself for wanting to puke when he was once again exposed to Blaine’s bloody face. He ran back down to the kitchen and grabbed a jug, filled it with warm water, and located a cloth before rushing to his bedroom.

Blaine mumbled as Sebastian lowered the wet cloth onto his face, doing his best to wipe away all the blood that prevented him from identifying the actual wounds. After all the blood was finally gone, Sebastian realized that the extent of the injuries were not as bad as he had originally feared. He gave a silent thank you to anyone who might have been listening as he disinfected the incisions.

Blaine mumbled again and Sebastian figured that the disinfectant was probably burning him. Ten minutes, three plasters, and four bandages later, the taller teen was content that Blaine wasn’t actually in any danger of dying like he had originally predicted. His features were perfectly visible and the only traces of remaining blood was located on their clothes, or as spots on the floor.

Sebastian was suddenly overcome with fatigue. His eyelids threatened to close and the effort of keeping them open felt like most difficult thing on earth. But there was no way he could sleep now. Not when those men could still be out there somewhere. Not when the police didn’t give a crap whether or not the two of them were still breathing. Not when Blaine was hurt, and it was all his fault.

He briefly wondered if he could have a concussion, but quickly dismissed that thought, since he couldn’t remember sustaining an injury to the head. Sebastian’s worn out limbs and mind quickly got the better of him as he felt his body sag into a lying position on the floor. Using his right arm as a pillow, he extended his left hand until it was resting on Blaine’s abdomen. It soothed the paranoia in his mind to know that Blaine was nothing more than half an arm’s length away. If someone tried to hurt him again, then Sebastian would be right there to stop them.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian whispered as consciousness threatened to leave him, “You should never...never have been involved in this. They-they weren’t here for you. I’m sorry that they hurt you.”

Blaine remained motionless with absolutely no signs to indicate that he had heard a word of what the other boy had said. Sebastian’s last memorable thought was _My dad is going to kill me._

 

**~4~**

“Blaine!” Sebastian exclaimed as he awoke from his nightmare. Looking to his left, he noticed that the aforementioned teen was nowhere to be found. Rubbing his temples, Sebastian got up off the floor and squinted against the light of the sun streaming through the windows. It took a few moments for the memories of the previous night to seep in. The blood drained from his face as he exited the room in search of Blaine.

“Blaine? Where are you?” Sebastian all but yelled. Fear was clouding his judgement, making him believe that the men from the previous night had returned. _They came back and stole Blaine_ , he thought in momentary panic.

“I’m down here.” The voice came from the living room. Sebastian rushed downstairs and found Blaine sitting on a small sofa and hugging himself. He purposely avoided meeting the former’s gaze.

Sebastian resisted the urge to grimace when he noticed the fresh scars across Blaine’s face. They weren’t hideous or disconfiguring, but they were painfully noticeable in the eyes of the current beholder. “Are-are you okay?” He asked hesitantly.

“Peachy.” Blaine mumbled, still not looking up.

“How long have you been down here?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Do you want me to call your parents?” Sebastian offered.

At these words, Blaine’s eyes increased in brightness and he buried his face in his arm, shaking his head slightly. “No. They’d want to come back. I can’t do that to them.”

“They’re your parents. They need to know.” He insisted, taking a seat next to his peer.

“Says the guy who treats his father like crap. Stay out of it.”

“I’m just trying to help.” Sebastian said defensively.

“I don’t want your help. You’re a mean jerk who calls people offensive things and then let’s them get attacked by even meaner people.” In that moment, Blaine reminded Sebastian of a little boy. A little boy who was scared and had no one to turn to.

“I tried to stop them, I swear! But I-the second I let my focus slip, the other guy started choking me. I could barely breathe, never mind get to you. I’m sorry, Blaine.” He replied earnestly.

“No, you’re not. You hate me. Why should you care what happens to me?”

“What are you talking about? Of course I don’t hate you.”

“Oh really? Last I checked people didn’t use the term ‘fag’ to describe someone they’re particularly fond of, but you know, maybe that’s just me.” Blaine sounded tired and sad. Sebastian felt like crap,

“I didn’t mean that. I was just scared and angry, but not at you,” He explained.

Blaine said nothing.

“Do you think we should try calling the police again?” Sebastian decided to change the subject.

“I don’t know. But I’m not going to stay here another night. I’m going home.” He said softly.

“You-you can’t do that.”

“Watch me.” Blaine mumbled, his voice neutral.

“You’d leave me here alone?” Sebastian blinked.

Blaine looked up at him for the first time that morning. Different emotions flashed across his features, causing his eyes to acquire an intensity that made it hard for the Warbler to not look away. Blaine sighed. “I assumed that you were going to call your father and ask him to come back.”

“I can’t do that.  He’d be really disappointed in me.”

“Actually, he wouldn’t, and I don’t see why you’d even care, but I’m not going to have this argument with you. Look, you might be the world’s biggest jerk, but I can’t leave you here on your own. Stay with me in my house until Mr. Smythe gets back. If you don’t want to, well, I tried.”

Sebastian frowned. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“And why not? Would you rather stay here and wait for those guys to come back?”

“Obviously not...”

“Then what exactly is the problem?”

Sebastian didn’t know how to explain the reason behind his hesitancy. He felt like he didn’t deserve Blaine’s kindness in offering the safe interior of his house. It senselessly felt mean to accept the offer, yet at the same time, it would be very rude to decline. And factor in the three criminals who obviously had no moral issues with torturing teenage boys... “Fine. I’ll go with you.” He said.

“Don’t do me any favors.” He mumbled, abandoning his position on the sofa.

“Where are you going?” Sebastian asked.

“To get my phone. We still need to call the police, you know.”

 

**~4~**

Sebastian scowled upon entering Blaine Anderson’s home for the first time. Blaine noticed and glared at him. “Not all of us have millionaires as fathers, okay. So I’m sorry if it doesn’t quite meet the standards of Sebastian Smythe, but I’m afraid that you have no option besides _getting over it_.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. It wasn’t the size of the house that he had a problem with. It was the decoration. One would literally have to close their eyes to not notice the array of pictures that lined the walls, desks, bookcases, shelves, counters, and bedrooms. Sebastian recognized a younger Blaine in most of them, usually with two older people he assumed to be his parents. But a lot of them also contained an unfamiliar man with dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Sebastian wasn’t going to ask, but guessed that he must be Blaine’s older brother.

“We have a guest bedroom, you can put your stuff down there.”

“It’s pretty convenient that your parents left you the spare key.” Sebastian tried to cut the tension that seemed to present whenever the two of them were in the same room.

“Uh-huh.” Blaine replied half-heartedly. Clearly his effort was pointless.

“What did the police say?” Sebastian inquired, putting his backpack down by his feet and ignoring the scathing look from the other male.

“The siren we heard last night was just a neighborhood check-up rookie who was experiencing problems with the wiring in the car. So basically they never showed up last night. If that guy’s car hadn’t chosen that exact moment to be faulty, well…” He trailed off.

“Why didn’t they believe you? Why didn’t they come?”

“Apparently they recognized the address and knew that the house belonged to state’s attorney, Michael Smythe. They figured that someone like him would have twenty-four hour watch or something and that I was some friend of his kid’s trying to prank them. They kept apologizing for their mistake and gave me their word that the house would be under constant surveillance until your dad gets back. I told them to not contact him about this. They didn’t even ask why, I think they’re afraid that we’re going to sue them.” Blaine explained as he sat down on the couch and pulled his knees up to his chest. Despite the comforting feeling that being home gave him, he couldn’t stop the images that haunted him every time he closed his eyes. The first thing he would see were portions of a man’s face, then came the unmistakable silver glint of a blade being reflected in the moonlight. And lastly, the wet dripping sound of what he assumed could only be blood. His blood.

“We _should_ sue them.”

“Why? It wasn’t their fault.” Blaine’s mind was elsewhere and barely payed attention to his own words.

“But you got hurt and that’s not okay with me.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. At first Sebastian thought that the shorter male hadn’t heard him, but he quickly realized that this was not the case when Blaine’s eyes abandoned their staring at the floor and instead chose to stare at Sebastian.

“They hurt you too.” He pointed out.

“Not like they did you. I mean, I couldn’t exactly see what they were doing, but your screaming contained pretty much everything I needed to know. I thought-I mean, there was so much blood. At least, it seemed like there was.”

“What do you think they were looking for?”

“I wish I knew,” Sebastian heaved a sigh, “whatever it is, I’m going to make sure that my dad gets rid of it. Next time it could be him that gets hurt.”

“Or you.”

He snorted. “That would be a godsend, wouldn’t it? Me dead? Yeah, some people’s lives would definitely be a heck of a lot easier.”

“Maybe. But there are also two people whose lives would be completely ruined. Your parents.”

Sebastian went quiet and started playing with the rubber bracelet on his wrist. This subject always made him uncomfortable. He hated talking about his parents, especially his mother. In fact, he pretty much avoided mentioning anyone in his family. “Are you still mad at me?”

“Huh?” Like Sebastian, Blaine had been caught up in his own thoughts.

“About the word that I called you last night. I know that it really hurt your feelings.”

Blaine studied him for a moment. “It’s not like I’m not used to being called that; it was like the nicest word the kids in my first high school had for me. It wasn’t so much the word as the person uttering it.”

“Me?”

“Yes you. I just never imagines that another gay boy would ever say that to me. It surprised me…and maybe confused me slightly.”

Sebastian felt himself getting annoyed. “I told you yesterday, I’m not like you.”

“What does that mean, ‘not like me’? Obviously you’re not like me. We have very different backgrounds, families, _morals_. You’re going to have to be more specific.” Blaine rubbed his eyes.

“There’s no way for me to be more specific. _I. Am. Not. Like. You._ ”

It hit him like a slap in the face. He blinked. “What? But I thought-”

“Everyone thinks that. It doesn’t make it true,” Sebastian felt like knocking his head on the counter. He really needed to learn how to keep his mouth shut.

“But you hit me; more than once I might add. You tried to get me to cheat on Kurt. You tried to get me to sleep with you!”

“I am not gay, Blaine! Yes, I hit on you; yes, I wanted you to cheat on your boyfriend; and yes, I wanted you to think that I was interested in having sex with you. But notice my use of the words ‘wanted you to _think_ ’.” _Shut up, shut up. Stop talking. Now!_ Sebastian thought to himself.

“I am so confused right now. Why would you do that? Make people think that you’re something you’re not just to mess with their minds. What kind of sick, twisted satisfaction do you get from that?” Blaine felt oddly betrayed. It hurt to know that Sebastian had been messing with his feelings and laughing about it behind his back.

“Me sick? Me? Really?” Sebastian’s anger was surfacing again. “You wanna know what’s really sick? _You_. And that faggy ex-boyfriend of yours. You go around claiming to love each other, but in reality it’s just a pathetic excuse to fuck anything on two legs!”

Blaine was stunned, but the momentary shock didn’t last for long. With slow and precise movements, Blaine walked over to where Sebastian was eyeing him in disgust. The shorter teen didn’t hesitate to pull his elbow back and punch the Warbler across the jaw. “Get the hell out of my house,” He stated calmly.

Sebastian was just about to return the blow, but stopped himself when he once again noticed the scars. Growling, he spun  around and exited the house, slamming the door behind him.

Blaine watched him go sadly. He didn’t want to be alone right now, but he much less wanted to be in the presence of someone who clearly despised him. Glancing at his surroundings, he realized that he had been alone in this house plenty of times before, but never had it made him feel so…afraid.

He was about to phone one of his friends to come over and keep him company, but decided against it. They would ask what had happened to his face, and he didn’t think himself capable of reliving the events of the previous night.

Instead, he went into the living room and sat down in front of the piano. He closed his eyes as his fingers automatically started playing a sad tune. After a few more minutes of indulging his sadness, he finally broke down and began to cry.

 


	5. In The Realm of Nightmares

_Sebastian felt a sticky liquid under his fingertips. He tried to open his eyes, but for some reason, he couldn’t lift his eyelids. Feeling a cold breeze wash over him, he shivered and felt the hairs at the back of his neck stand on end. He moaned unhappily as he continued in his seemingly-futile attempts to rid himself of the engulfing darkness that surrounded him. It was only when he felt his eyelashes tickle his cheek that he realized his eyes weren’t closed at all; the room was just pitch black._

_Sebastian could feel a flat, hard surface against his bare back; a wall. Leaning against it, he forced himself into a sitting position and brought his fingers up to his nose. Since he couldn’t see what the liquid was, he was going to have to rely on one of his other senses. A sharp, somewhat-metallic scent hit him hard. Blood. Sebastian’s breathing gained momentum as he all but jumped onto his feet, knocking his head against the ceiling in the process. Fear and panic clouded his judgement as he wondered where the hell he was. How do I get out of here, he thought to himself, and where are my clothes?_

_Sebastian cried out when, out of nowhere, the room lit up. The ceiling lamp had switched itself on, casting the room into a light so bright that Sebastian had to shield his eyes for a couple of seconds in order for his pupils to adjust. Removing his hand, he squinted against the brightness as he tried to figure out where he was. His breath caught in his throat as the answer came to him. He was standing in the corner of his bedroom. But not the one in Ohio; no, this was two houses ago, in California. It was the exact same room, and yet, everything seemed so different. The walls and the ceiling had contracted and shrunk; in fact, the whole room had shrunk. His bed, decorated with his old comic strip duvet cover, was messy and unmade. His tiny blue bookcase that had been home to his hundreds of first-edition comic books was now lying on its side on the floor, the contents scattered all across the carpet. The door had been ripped from its hinges, and the burglar bars on the window no longer existed._

_Nose flaring, Sebastian tried to back up, to put as much distance between him and this hell hole. But he was already pressed up against the wall, meaning there was nowhere left to go. He didn’t want to look down, he knew exactly what he would see if he did. He didn’t want to see it; he didn’t want to remember it. But some other external force was in control, and there was nothing he could do as his eyes slowly lowered, ignoring the pleading in the back of his mind. Sebastian’s hand came up to his mouth as a sound escaped his lips. His breathing became even more haggard as he caught sight of red on the carpet. The blood._

_Suddenly it was everywhere. There wasn’t a square inch of his bedroom floor that wasn’t covered in red stains, wet or dry, dark or light. The stench of it was filling up his nose, causing him to feel slightly light-headed. Sebastian jumped when he heard a shriek tearing through the silence. Then another. And another._

_The screaming continued, sounding like it was coming closer and closer, despite Sebastian being the only one in the bedroom. Covering his ears with his hands, he shut his eyes tightly and sank to his knees. He was trying desperately to block it out, but failing miserably._

_As if the source of the noise was right beside him, he heard desperate pleading and pain-induced crying. He heard more screaming. He heard laughing. He could clearly make out the sounds of a struggle. More crying. More screaming. And then...silence. Hoping that it was all over, he removed his hands from the side of his head and surveyed his surroundings through blurry eyes. Everything was different again. The bed was neat; the bookcase was standing up, all the comics in their place on the shelves. The door was no longer broken and the bars on the windows were back. Most importantly though, the blood was gone. The room seemed to have reverted back to its original size, the ceiling no longer level with Sebastian’s head. Despite this, Sebastian still felt excruciatingly claustrophobic._

_Swallowing loudly, he rose up slowly and made his way toward the bed. There was a nagging voice at the back of his mind that told him to stay on guard, that something was messing with him. Sebastian, who was sick and tired of paranoia, ignored it. Running his fingers over the bedspread, he felt a single tear break free and make its way down his cheek._

_Sebastian’s eyes went wide when he witnessed the bed he had touched a second ago, disappear into thin air. One moment it was there, and the next, it wasn’t. Frowning, he turned just in time to see the same thing happen with the bookcase. And then the window. Then the door. At this point, the room was nothing but an enclosed square with bland walls and no way out. The panic returned._

_Running back to the corner, Sebastian used his fists to pound on the walls, whilst screaming at the top of his lungs for someone to help him. No one answered. No one heard him. He was alone and trapped._

_Chest heaving, he saw the ceiling dissolve into nothingness, and the carpet, along with the floor, become nothing but thin air. The walls, which up until now had been a faded red colour, now became bright white. Sebastian blinked as he took in his surroundings; that was an oxymoron. He didn’t have any surroundings. There was nothing but white air. Sebastian couldn’t help but wonder if he was in heaven. What came next disproved that theory._

_A drop of something wet hit his face. He didn’t even have to look, he knew exactly what it was. Lifting his head, he tried to pinpoint the source of the blood, but there was nothing to be seen. What he saw when he looked back down though, startled him. His entire body was covered in gashes. Deep red cuts that covered every inch of his lean physique. Sebastian couldn’t remember seeing them before._

_A couple moments later, he was standing in a puddle of his own blood. He tried to leave, tried to lift his feet, but something else was in control of his body now. Sebastian abandoned his efforts the second he felt a distinct pressure on his throat. He was pretty sure that there was nothing there, but it felt like a human hand was strangling him. His air pipe was being constricted, and so was his ability to breathe. Sebastian heard a strange rasping sound coming from the air around him. He then realized that the sound had come from him._

_His vision was fading and his head felt heavy. Nothing was right anymore. A strange sensation of gratitude overcame him as he felt his life slipping away. Sebastian smiled a melancholy smile, finally content._

_Something stirred in front of him, and he forced his eyes to focus one last time. What he saw instantly made him wish he were dead; and with that thought, the pressure on his throat subsided and all feeling returned to his body. He was back in control, but there was nothing on earth he wanted less in that moment._

_As the picture in front of him grew closer, he turned around and sprinted in the opposite direction. He froze when he realized that he was running in the wrong direction, straight toward the moving picture. Turning again, he took off running for the second time. Again, he was going in the wrong direction. It was at this point that it occurred to him something was wrong. Despite his feet being able to move, he wasn’t actually going anywhere. He was still stuck. Still trapped._

_A silent scream escaped him as the picture reached for him, taunting, spiteful, bloodthirsty._

**~5~**

“No!” Sebastian cried out, breaking free of the cold shackles of his nightmare. When he realized that none of it was real, and that he was in fact sitting in the backseat of his car, he almost started crying. Both out of relief and pain. The pain of remembering something he had no business remembering. Something that was securely locked away behind the high-security vaults of the deepest parts of his subconscious.

Fear crept into him as he looked up at the blackness of the night sky. It was a crescent moon, but it barely cast any light upon his surroundings, reminding him of the blackness he had been surrounded by in his dream. He needed to get somewhere safe. He needed to get to safety. For a split second he thought about going home, but then realized that his dad was still gone. The police were probably there, but that thought wasn’t comforting.

No, he needed to go somewhere familiar and warm and embracing. After his fight with Blaine that afternoon, there was no way he was going back to that house. That left him with only one other option. Climbing back into the drivers’ seat, he started the car and embarked on the all-too-familiar route.

Sebastian gulped apprehensively as he drove through the tall gates of Dalton Academy. He couldn’t help but notice how horror movie-like the school seemed in the middle of the night. It wasn’t really all that difficult to gain entrance to the dormitory buildings; at least, not if you had gone through the trouble of stealing the groundkeeper’s key to make a copy for yourself. He locked the main entrance door behind him before silently ascending the spiral staircase that led to the second floor of boys’ dorms. The silence that clung to the air around him was both welcome and unsettling. He could hear his every footstep, every breath, every heart beat. Sebastian began to wonder if coming here had indeed been such a good idea.

 _Too late now_ , he thought to himself as he stood in front of the desired room number. Sebastian dreaded the thought of having to knock, but he’d rather disturb a few sleeping teenagers than walk in unannounced and uninvited. He all but winced as his knuckles made contact with the dense wooden door. One. Two. Three times he tapped. He pressed his ear against the door and listened for any commotion that came from within. Sebastian heaved a sigh and knocked again, but only twice this time. That did the trick, he realized when the sound of shuffling could be heard over his uncontrollably loud breathing. The door opened.

“Sebastian?” Came the sleepy voice.

“Uh, yeah. I just-just-” It quickly occurred to him that he hadn’t given any thought as to what he would say when he got there.

Jeff stared at him, ignoring the burning sensation in his eyes that came from the effort of keeping them open. This was strange, even for Sebastian. He knew the taller brunette well enough to know that Sebastian would never just show up in the middle of the night without a valid reason. “Come in.”

Sebastian’s eyes screamed a silent ‘thank you’ as he walked past the blonde into the room. “I didn’t really know where to go.”

“Did something happen?” Jeff asked.

“Um...you could say that. But it didn’t happen tonight. It doesn’t really matter, I don’t wanna talk about it. I just needed somewhere to stay for the night. I didn’t want to be by myself.” Sebastian quickly regretted adding the last part.

Now Jeff _knew_ something was wrong, but he wasn’t going to pry. “Of course you can stay here, but I only have one bed.” He scratched the back of his head as he cast a glance in the direction of his unmade single bed.

“That’s fine, I can sleep on the floor. It’s got to be better than the back of my car.”

“Why were you sleeping in the back of your-never mind. I can’t make you sleep on the floor; you take the bed. My mom is always telling me that I need to learn to appreciate what I have.” Jeff gave the other boy a lopsided grin.

Sebastian smiled back and realized for the first time that the blonde Warbler was shirtless. Jeff must have noticed him noticing, since he turned away abruptly, trying desperately to hide his crimson cheeks. Sebastian found this endearing and took a step forward. “You know, there is always another possibility...”

Jeff turned back to him, his features betraying his suspicion. “What do you mean?”

“We could both use the bed. I’m sure we’ll fit.” He shrugged casually.

“Uhhh, I don’t know. We could get into serious trouble if we’re caught. You know how the school board feels about visitors sharing the beds with the residents.”

“Tomorrow is Sunday. No one is here on a Sunday; they’d never even know. But if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then I understand. It was just a suggestion.” Sebastian shrugged again.

“Who said it made me feel uncomfortable? I was just...being cautious.” Jeff cleared his throat.

“Are you gay, Jeff?” Sebastian asked tersely.

The blonde nearly choked on thin air. “What?”

“I was just wondering.”

“Just because you’re gay, doesn’t mean we all are.” He snapped. It was clear to Sebastian that he was being defensive.

“I’m not gay.” Sebastian stated matter-of-factly.

“Huh? Yeah, you are. You’ve screwed half the guys in this school.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes and took another step forward. “Watch your tongue, Sterling. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t know what people enjoy more: spreading rumours, or believing them.”

Jeff was not intimidated. “I don’t enjoy either. I only know what people have personally told me about you.”

“And what did these so called ‘people’ tell you exactly?” With another step forward, there was no more than two inches of space between the boys.

“Uhh-” Now he found himself flustered. “That you’re bad news and like to play with peoples’ emotions. That you get off on making guys think you’re into them, and then drop them the second you get bored.”

“So that’s what people are saying about me behind my back...interesting. Men really are all douchebags, aren’t they? Can’t trust any of them apparently.”

“Especially not ones like you.” Jeff mumbled. He was not in the mood to argue right now, but his sleeplessness was making him cranky.

“You’re right about that. I’ll probably stab you in the back first chance I get...and yet, guys are still lining up to sleep with me.”

“I thought you said that you weren’t gay?” Jeff frowned.

“I’m not. But gay men are predators and they don’t really give a crap about your sexuality as long as they get to fuck you.” Sebastian spoke maliciously.

Jeff winced. “Ouch. Never took you for such a homophobe.”

“Why should it bother you? Unless, of course, you really are a homo. In which case, this just got a heck of a lot more fun.” He grinned humourlessly.

“Don’t call me that. You’re an asshole.”

“Really? That’s the best you can do?” Sebastian arched an eyebrow and closed the last bit of distance between him and his peer. He could hear Jeff gulp.

“Is this really how you deal with your problems? Lash out at people in an attempt to make them angry? What do you possibly gain from that? Except maybe a punch in the face. I refuse to be part of your sick game, Sebastian.” Jeff’s leg barely had time to move one step back when Sebastian grabbed him by the shoulders, holding him in place.

“You know nothing about me or my problems, so spare me the damn lecture. There isn’t a single book out there that can list all the different ways to become screwed up, and there sure as hell isn’t one that could tell you how to deal with all that shit. So excuse me if I don’t know everything.” His grip on Jeff’s shoulders tightened.

Jeff frowned again. “Sebastia-” He never had the chance to finish his sentence however, since he was interrupted by the feel of Sebastian’s lips on his. At first he had no idea how to react, so he didn’t. He stood there and let the other boy kiss him. But after a moment or two, he began to enjoy the sensation. Jeff tried to mimic what Sebastian was doing, since his experience in the kissing department was less than pathetic.

A noise could be heard from Jeff’s throat as Sebastian forced his tongue into the former’s mouth. He couldn’t describe what it felt like to have someone else’s tongue caressing his own, but it sent shivers down his spine. He took hold of Sebastian’s hips and pulled their bodies closer together. Jeff fought the urge to blush when he felt his arousal pressing into Sebastian. Sebastian felt it too, and groaned into Jeff’s mouth.

Sebastian loved the feel of Jeff’s bare back beneath his fingers, and roamed his hands over the other boy’s shoulders. Jeff took charge and pulled the former backwards, toward the bed. Sebastian complied, and pretty soon, he was on top of Jeff, weaving his hands into the soft blonde hair. Jeff moaned and bucked his hips, desperate for some friction, but disappointed with the thick texture of the taller brunette’s jeans. Moving his lips to Sebastian’s ear, Jeff whispered, “May I?” Sebastian was only confused for a second before he felt Jeff’s fingers playing with his belt buckle.

This seemed like a simple enough question, but it carried a lot of subtext for someone like Sebastian. _He asked...maybe this won’t be so bad_ , He thought to himself. And yet, at the same time, his heart was beating a million times a minute and his hands began to shake. Ignoring this, he gave a single nod to Jeff, who wasted no time in ridding the former of his pants. Sebastian was not prepared for the wave of pleasure that hit him as soon as his boxer-covered erection brushed against that of Jeff’s. He was desperate to feel it again, so this time it was him that moved his hips forward. Jeff moaned again and mimicked Sebastian’s move. The former removed his lips from Jeff’s mouth and began to trail kisses up to his ear, then down his throat, sucking on his neck, licking his collarbone. His tongue found Jeff’s nipple, and he began to swirl his tongue around it whilst simultaneously sucking lightly. Jeff closed his eyes and sighed contently.

Sebastian moved down and focused his attention on Jeff’s ribs for a few seconds before moving even further south, to the patch of hair that resided just below his naval. His fingers found the strap of Jeff’s pyjama pants, and as he applied some pressure, they began to sink lower and lower. Before Sebastian could pull them down far enough though, Jeff used both his hands to bring Sebastian’s lips back to his own. And just when he thought that he could do it, just when he thought that he might actually be free, it hit him. Hard. The images flashed through his mind, a hundred at a time.  The sounds, the smells, the sensations, they all came to him with a vengeance, assaulting his brain all at once. Tears sprang to his eyes as he pushed himself off of Jeff and rushed toward the door, ripping it open and tearing down the hallway toward the bathroom as fast as he could. As soon as he reached his destination, he barely had time to close the door behind him before kneeling in front of the toilet and expelling the entirety of his stomach contents into the white bowl. Sebastian could no longer contain it, and he began to sob. Loudly.

When he was sure that he had nothing left in his digestive system, he flushed the toilet and used some mouth wash to get rid of the bad taste. Still crying, he sank down against the wall and hugged his knees up to his chest, whilst using his arms to embrace his legs. He tried to be quiet, there was nothing he wanted less than for someone to walk in on him now, but the more he tried to stop, the harder the tears seemed to fall. Sebastian nearly jumped when he heard the distinct click of the bathroom door being opened. Instead of looking to see who it was, he buried himself even further in his arms.

“Sebastian? Hey, you okay?” It was Jeff. His voice was gentle.

Despite thinking it was a completely redundant question, Sebastian shook his head, not caring if Jeff could actually see him or not. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Another shake of his head. “Would you like some company anyway?” This time, Sebastian paused. Did he actually want to be around Jeff right now? No, not really. But he always got scared when he became like this; he was too reckless, too unpredictable. Who knows what he was capable of when put to the test. He didn’t feel like finding out. Sebastian answered Jeff’s question with a nod of his head. “Okay.” Jeff whispered and knelt down in front of his darker peer. “We can’t stay here though, someone is going to hear us, and I doubt you would like that very much. C’mon, let’s go back to my room, okay?” He curled his fingers around Sebastian’s wrist and tugged gently, signalling that it was time for the latter to get up. He complied somewhat unwillingly and followed Jeff as the two quietly walked back to his dorm room.

Once there, Jeff locked the door behind him and, still holding onto Sebastian’s wrist, led him back to the bed and motioned for him to sit. Jeff sat down beside him. “I’m really sorry. I should never have-we shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have tried to make you do something you obviously didn’t want to do.”

“It wasn’t your fault. It had nothing to do with you. I don’t want to talk about it.” Sebastian whispered.

“Have you talked to anyone else about it? Whatever _it_ is.” Jeff wondered.

“Just leave me alone.”

Jeff heaved a sigh. “Okay, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. It’s just-I don’t really know what to do. My instincts are telling me to, like, hug you or something. But my head is telling me that you would probably kick the crap out of me if I did that, so...”

Sebastian said nothing. He was trying to distract himself, to think of something else. Michael flashed into his head and Sebastian almost flinched. His father was the last person he wanted to think about right now. Next came his mom, whom he was pretty sure he loved more than she loved him. That was how it always worked with people he cared about; they always meant more to him than he did to them. One would think he would have learned by now, and he had. Friends were overrated, and he hadn’t ever known a girl well enough to be interested in dating her. Not that he actually believed he would ever date a girl even if he did know her. He very much doubted that he would actually ever date _anyone_. His life was too confusing and messed up for him to even consider a relationship at this point; it would be cruel to drag them down with him.

“Hey, you still here?” Jeff put his hand on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“Unfortunately.” He mumbled. It took a few seconds for the intention behind that one word to fully register in Jeff’s mind. But when it did, it scared him.

“You really shouldn’t say stuff like that.”

“Yeah, ‘cos it’s so much better to make people think that everything’s okay. To ignore what’s really going on just so that you won’t upset everyone around you. Grab a metaphorical shovel and start digging. Keep digging until you have a twenty foot hole inside of you that is desperate to find something to fill it. It’s so desperate in fact, that it will literally grab anything it can get its hands on, just so that it could have the opportunity to feel something again. And you know, it isn’t even picky when it comes to what it feels; it’ll take what it can get. Pain, anger, vengeance, hatred, spite, depression...all of the above. Eventually though, it’ll realize that nothing on earth would ever be able to fill that hole, since there’s a reason we’re not whole anymore. Those missing pieces have been stolen from us, and try as you might, there ain’t no way of ever getting them back. They’re gone, and as soon as you realize this, so are you.”  Sebastian, despite being able to relate to his own words, felt emotionless as he spoke.

Jeff on the other hand, who had been listening intently, felt sick. He had heard someone speak like this before, and he dreaded the thought of what usually came next. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but dude, I honestly think that you could benefit from some counselling...or a lot of counselling.”

Sebastian snorted. “Nah, I’m too far gone for that. It wouldn’t do me any good; not anymore.”

“See, I don’t believe that. In my opinion, the only people who are too far gone are the people who committed  unforgiveable crimes, or people who have some kind of mental disorder, like schizophrenia. And even some schizophrenic people lead normal lives. If they can do it, then why can’t you?”

“There are different kinds of brain disorders, Jeff, and not all of them have names or can be diagnosed. Some of them act like parasites and feed off of you until you have nothing left. And then, when you’ve outgrown your use, they leave you. Then you’re stuck with two unfill-able holes. Sucks for you.” Sebastian rubbed at his eyes as he stifled a yawn. The fatigue was catching up to him.

“If you think about it, technically a parasite can only suck you dry if a) you let it, or b) the parasite is stronger than you. But what if you put up a fight and give it all you’ve got? If you really want it bad enough, then that parasite doesn’t stand a chance. But it really does depend on how much you want it.” Jeff said. Looking over, he noticed the distant expression on Sebastian’s face. He could tell that the latter was tired. Sighing silently, he whispered, “You should get some sleep. Take the bed; don’t worry, I’ll be on the floor.”

Sebastian nodded absentmindedly and lay down on his side. He grabbed one of the pillows and hugged it tightly, closing his eyes against the last few tears that were determined to escape. He barely noticed when Jeff covered him with a blanket and touched his cheek gently.

As Jeff sat down with his head against the wall, thinking about the events that had transpired over the course of the last hour, Sebastian’s mind took him elsewhere. He found himself wondering whether or not the police had been successful in their attempt to track down the criminals of the previous night. He wondered how they had known his dad would be out of town, and what it was that they so desperately needed to find. Sebastian wondered what would have happened if the sirens hadn’t gone off. Would those men have killed him? Would they have killed Blaine?...Blaine.

As Sebastian drifted further away from the world around him, his thoughts drifted toward the hazel-eyed boy. He suddenly felt bad about the things he had said to him that afternoon. He also felt bad that he hadn’t even bothered to try and find out if the latter was safe. Sebastian hoped that Blaine wasn’t on his own, that he had someone with him to keep him company and distract him from his thoughts.

 _But what if he doesn’t? What if he’s all alone, having terrible nightmares and becoming more scared by the minute?_ Sebastian’s last conscious thought was a mental promise to go back to Blaine’s house and make sure that the shorter boy wasn’t spending every minutes by himself replaying the events of last night. Sebastian was determined to make sure that he was okay. 


	6. I Won't Tell

Sebastian awoke with a loud gasp, his vision blurred. It took him a few moments to remember why he wasn’t in his own bed, but quickly calmed down upon spotting Jeff fast asleep in the opposite corner of the room. He remembered the events of the previous night and felt an overwhelmingly unpleasant sensation form in the pit of his stomach: regret. He knew that what he had almost done with Jeff was wrong...very wrong. And for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why he had done it. Sebastian knew that he wasn’t attracted to Jeff; he couldn’t be.

 _Boys are not attracted to boys, they’re meant to be with girls. That's how it works. At least, that's how it’s supposed to work. If everyone just did things the way they were meant to be done, then less people would get hurt. Then the world wouldn’t be so broken._ These thoughts made Sebastian despise himself even more, if that was even possible, and he knew that he needed to get out of there. Keeping his movements slow and precise, he managed to sneak out of the room unnoticed and close the door behind him. Keeping his eyes glued to the floor, Sebastian hurried toward the exit, too tired to care about anyone seeing him.

“Smythe? What the hell are you doing here?” A voice asked and Sebastian groaned.

Turning around, he plastered a sarcastic smile on his face. “Hunter. Fancy meeting you here.”

“You didn't answer my question.” He arched an eyebrow expectantly.

“Hmm, that's strange, no one bothered to tell me that you had suddenly become my mother. But how about I check in with my dad and let you know. This was fun.” Sebastian remarked condescendingly.

“Have I ever told you how much of an ass you are? I was only asking a question. One would think,” Hunter took a step forward, “that you have something to hide.”

“If I did, do you really think I would stand here and tell you about it? I’m afraid that I would have to be only slightly less sober in order for me to lose my sanity.”

“You really are defensive this morning. Oh wait, let me guess: you got another STD.” Hunter smirked.

“Okay fine, you were bound to find out eventually. He only recently found out that he had Herpes, and by that time it had already infected me too, but your dad is really sorry and wishes for nothing more than your forgiveness.” Sebastian feigned sympathy.

“Funny. Where could you have possibly pulled that out of?”

“That's what he said.” He grinned.

“Aren’t you on a roll,” Hunter returned the patronizing smile, “but please, forgive my interruption, you may continue your walk of shame.”

Sebastian flipped him off half-heartedly as he carried on in the direction he had been heading. His head was throbbing and his limbs were weak, but he did his best to ignore this as he made his way toward the parking area, which was way too crowded for a Sunday morning. Grumbling to himself about being hungry, Sebastian eventually found his car and got inside slowly. He was light-headed and this caused both his legs and his movements to become unsteady and somewhat unreliable.

Sebastian yawned as he inserted the key into the ignition and turned the car on. The sun was high up in the sky and shining directly into Sebastian’s weary eyes. Groaning, he released the fold directly above his head, hoping it would partly block out the sun. It didn't. With a heavy sigh, he reversed out of the parking space and exited through the black gates of Dalton Academy.

After ten minutes of consistent grumbling on his stomach’s part, Sebastian decided to stop at The Lima Bean for something to eat. At first he was slightly sceptical, since it was a very popular hangout for students of both McKinley and Dalton, and him not being in the mood to run into anyone he knew, Sebastian almost decided against entering. But his empty stomach and aching head overpowered his mind’s reservations.

Keeping his head down, Sebastian immediately went to the barista to place his order. After doing so, he took a seat at the most secluded table he could find. Placing his elbow on the edge of the table, he used the palm of his hand as a pillow to rest the side of his face on. His eyelids were feeling exceptionally heavy and the effort of trying to keep them from covering his eyes was a bordering on painful. Sebastian got an unpleasant wake-up call when his elbow slipped off the table and fell onto his lap, causing his head to fall forward right into the table. With an annoyed growl, he rubbed the side of his head as he rose from his seat to collect his newly ready order.

Returning to the table, he all but devoured his extra-large cup of coffee. It wasn’t actual food, but it was going to have to suffice for now. Sebastian nearly jumped when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Extracting it, he found that he had a text message from an unknown number.

_Don’t worry, I won’t tell._

After frowning at the screen for half a minute, Sebastian shrugged and figured that it must have been a wrong number. Leaning back against his chair, he placed his arms behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. Sebastian was bored, clueless, uncomfortable, agitated, desperate, and lonely all at the same time. He didn't know what to do or where to go. He once again found himself wishing that his father would return. Parents were not supposed to want to leave their kids behind, but Michael had seemed all too eager to go on his business trip. He had seemed all too eager to leave his only child all alone. Not alone in the literal sense, since Blaine was there, but he didn't want Blaine. He wanted his dad.

Sebastian quickly got tired of sitting around and, deciding it was time to leave, abandoned the chair and headed toward the exit, mentally trying to figure out where he would go as soon as he reached his car. He didn't have any friends, not outside of Dalton anyway. Blaine sure as hell didn't count. He refused to acknowledge a fag as someone he would willingly spend time with. No, Blaine Anderson meant nothing to him and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why he would ever have wanted to go see him today. He didn't care if the hobbit was okay. He didn't care if he was scared. Why should Blaine’s feelings matter to him?

Sliding forward in his seat, the top of Sebastian’s head hit the middle of the steering wheel. He winced when the hooter went off, making his ears ring. “Idiot,” he mumbled to himself, partially because he wanted to make sure that he still possessed the ability to hear. He did. Heaving a sigh, he checked his cellphone’s home-screen, hoping that it would somehow give him guidance as to where he could go – or should go. It did not. Sighing again for what felt like the twenty-fourth time, Sebastian realized that he was out of options, forcing him to go to the last place he wanted to see right now: his house.

It wasn’t as if he had anything better to do, so he decided that he might as well go check in with the police and find out if anything had happened over the past thirty-six or so hours. He doubted that anything had, since it would take all kinds of stupid for someone to go breaking into a house surrounded by police cars, but it wouldn’t be the strangest thing to ever happen to him.

It wasn’t a long drive from The Lima Bean to Michael Smythe’s mansion. _Not really my dad’s,_ Sebastian reminded himself. He knew the history of this house, as did his father. Sebastian had always assumed that it was the only reason his father had ever bothered to move to Westerville, Ohio of all places. A sucky town full of even suckier people. _Maybe it wasn’t such a dump back in the day. Maybe all the appeal has been stripped away by all these small-town morons._

When Sebastian pulled into the familiar driveway, he was met with a sight that confused the crap out of him. There was nothing to be seen. No police cars, no lights, no people. Nothing. Sebastian frowned as he hurried to the back of the house, assuming that the police officers had decided to remain inconspicuous, but once again, there was nothing to be seen. The last possibility was that they were all waiting inside the house, ready to jump out at the intruders. Feeling confident in this revelation, he went back to the front of the house to inspect the front door; sure enough, it was open. Figuring this meant that he was right, he stepped inside and braced himself, ready for something to happen. But it didn't. Everything was exactly where it had been when he had left, and there wasn’t a single sound to be heard.

Now more confused than ever, Sebastian began to feel uneasy. He had a feeling that something was wrong, but he didn't know what. It was as if he could feel it in the air around him; almost like something was out of place. He shook his head and realized that he was just being paranoid. Closing the door behind him, Sebastian headed up to his bedroom, desperate for new clothes and a long, hot shower.

When he was done, and freshly dressed in actual clean clothing, Sebastian went to lie down on his bed. He couldn’t help but think about everything that happened since he had acquired that bedroom not three years ago. So many things had changed; _he_ had changed. Michael had changed, too. He knew this for a fact; his father had seemingly grown a lot older in the last thirty-six months.

Knowing what he wanted to do, he crawled over to the foot of the bed, never actually climbing off of it, and began to scratch at the loose plank in the wooden floor. He had been chewing his nails incessantly over the last few days, so lifting it up wasn’t as easy as it usually was, but eventually he managed to get a part of his finger underneath the rectangular piece of wood.

There was a sharp noise that suddenly filled the house. The sound of one heavy object colliding against that of an even denser floor. The plank was lying on the floor and Sebastian had stopped breathing, staring at the empty interior below him.

 _No, no, no, no, no, no! This can't be possible! Fuck!_ Sebastian angrily pulled at his hair as his entire body began to shake with fear. _Who would have done this? Who could have taken them? Could it have been the police? No. There’s no way that they could have had a warrant to search the house. It would have been illegal for them to come in here and look through my things without one. But who else? Unless...unless those guys came back after the police had left. Could it have been the thugs?_ Sebastian doubted this. They would never have known to search there in the first place, never mind have a use for what they might have found.

His mind kept going back to the police. It had to be them. There was no one else. _But if it was them, and they now have access to my journals, oh fuck. I’m screwed. Dad is screwed._ Sebastian knew exactly what was written in those five books and the thought of someone out there reading his words both scared the crap out of him and made him want to punch someone’s face in. That stuff was private; _very_ private. No one was ever meant to see anything contained within those pages. It was his and his alone. As Sebastian buried his face in his hands, trying to stop himself from succumbing to the urge to hyperventilate. His heart was soaring and his body was shaking violently. He was on the verge of a panic attack and he didn't know what to do.

Before he knew it, there were tears coursing down his face. His vision was strained, and as was his breathing. In that moment, everything hurt and everything was wrong. There wasn’t a single silver lining left to comfort him with false hope; one of his worst nightmares had just materialised and it felt worse than he could have ever imagined. Climbing down onto the floor, he wrapped his arms around himself as he continued to cry. It felt like his heart was physically bleeding and somehow drowning him from the inside out. All he could see was black and red, his stolen faith choking him with his own ignorance. The child inside of him was longing to break free, to escape while it still could, to find sanctuary before there was nothing left. _God, if you’re up there, if you’re listening, then I need you to do this one thing for me. I need you just cut me some slack for once in my life. Please, help me. Please._

Just as the final word left his mind, Sebastian knew what he had to do. It was so obvious, so simple. He couldn’t understand how it hadn’t occurred to him before. Still breathing deeply, Sebastian got onto his long, unstable legs and slowly began to make his way to the one room in the house he preferred to keep out of. It was at the very opposite end of the hallway, which had always seemed far too close. But now, now it seemed to stretch endlessly. As if the destination was an allusion put there purely to prove a point. But he didn't know what that point was. As Sebastian stood outside the doorway and glanced down at the doorknob, he took a deep breath before entering.

Michael’s bedroom was considerably bigger than his son’s, which was enhanced by the fact that there was almost no furniture to speak of. Beside the large bed in the centre of the room, along with the dark-brown dresser in the corner and the antique leather chair situated next to a small bookcase, the room was empty. Well, physically empty, but one look in a certain direction brought back all kinds of horrible memories for Sebastian. Steeled by determination he possessed for the task at hand, he knelt down in front of his father’s bed to retrieve the object underneath it: a safe. Picking it up, he set it atop the bed and wracked his brain trying to remember the combination. Then it came to him. It was his uncle’s birthday.

The safe opened with a distinct ‘click’ and Sebastian’s hand shook as it reached to retrieve the object from inside. He suddenly remembered a question that Blaine had asked him two nights ago, and he remembered that he had lied in his reply. He had lied because he hadn’t wanted to enter this room. Snorting at the dark irony, Sebastian walked out and headed back down the hall and into his own bedroom. This was the only real solace he’d ever known. The only place on earth where he had ever felt safe and at peace.

This room meant a lot to him.

And as Sebastian looked down, a salty tear made its way down his cheek, reaching the tip of his chin before it slipped off and landed with an inaudible splash onto the the pistol that rested in the palm of his hand. More tears broke free as he looked up at the ceiling. _I’d hate to ask for another favor, God, but please don't make it hurt. We both know that I know what pain feels like and we both know that I’ve had plenty of it in my seventeen years on this earth, so please, from the bottom of my heart, help me through this. Even if you have to send me to Hell for doing this, I’d accept that, as long as it doesn’t hurt to get there. I just want all of this to be over already. I can't take it anymore. I just can't._

Sebastian fell down onto his knees as he shut his eyes and brought the weapon up to his temple. “I’m sorry, Dad. I know that you expected more from me, that you would have wanted me to be strong. But...I just-I can’t do it anymore. Everything hurts so much _all the time_ and there’s no way for me to escape or pull through. Because the only end is finality and that's the only reason that I’m doing this. I don't wanna die, I swear. But if living means that I have to face you again after this, then death is where I need to be. I know you can't hear me, but please try to forgive me,  You are everything to me and there is no one on earth who could have loved me the way you do, and for that, I thank you. But I have to go now. Stay strong and don't make my mistake.” Sebastian whispered as a sob threatened to escape. That was it; he’d said everything that he’d needed to.

 _I’m yours now, God, my fate and my destination is in your hands. Forgive me and carry me well._ Sebastian let go of all his inhibitions as he slowly began to lower his index finger against the ice-cold trigger.

“Sebastian, no! Stop! Don't do it, please!” A bewildered voice yelled. Sebastian opened his eyes to see Blaine standing in the doorway, a look of pure terror reigning over his features.

“Blaine,” Sebastian whispered sadly, “go away. You don't want to see this, and I don't want to do it in front of you.”

“You can't do this,” he insisted, forcing himself to remain calm, “this doesn’t solve anything. You are better than this. Just listen to me and put down the gun.”

“Don't you think if that were an option for me, I would do it? It’s not an option. This is the only way.”

“No, it isn’t. You are not a coward, okay? You’re brave and you’re strong. You will get through this. There is always another way.” Blaine was itching to step closer, but was afraid that the movement could have grave consequences.

“No there isn’t!” Sebastian yelled. “You don't know. _No one knows_. I am in fucking hell every day of my life and I can't do it anymore. I don't want to. I literally have nothing to live for. Do you have any idea what that's like? To never have anything to look forward to, nothing that makes you smile. There isn’t a single person on earth who knows me, the real me. The boy who used to love comics more than anything, the boy who wanted to meet Batman, the boy who thought that his dad was the smartest person on earth and his mother the most beautiful. I wanna be that kid again, but it’s too late now-”

“It isn’t. You can still be him, Sebastian. No one says you can't.”

“Of course I can't,” Sebastian sniffed and wiped at his nose with the back of his left hand, “don't you get it? That boy is dead. He died a long time ago and this is what he left behind.” He gestured to himself, disgusted by what he saw.

“No, Sebastian, he didn't die. Maybe you think he did, but that boy, that part of you is still in there. Maybe it’s locked away, maybe you can't find him right now, but he’s there and he’s waiting for you. If you do this, then you’re the one that's killing him.” Blaine was astounded that he actually managed to keep his voice steady.

Upon Blaine’s words, a look of fear crossed over Sebastian’s face. He had never looked at it that way before. But this newfound realization only made him cry harder. “Why would you say that? Why are you trying to hurt me?”

“I’m not, I swear! I would never try to hurt you. I’m trying to help; I’m trying to keep you alive!” Blaine’s calm demeanour slipped away momentarily as urgency took control.

“I don't want to be alive! I don't want your help, either. All I want is for you to leave me alone. Please, Blaine, just go.”

“I can't,” Blaine’s own eyes filled with tears as he looked at Sebastian. “How am I supposed to just turn my back and let you kill yourself? How would I ever live with myself?”

“You would live knowing that this was my choice, this was what I wanted. There is nothing left for me out there, but maybe this way I’ll get a second chance. And if not, oh well. No hard feelings.”

“And your dad? How the hell is he supposed to go on after his only child took his own life? Do you have any idea what that would do to him? Do you have any freaking idea how much your dad loves you? You’re all he has. Don't do this.”

Sebastian would have done right there and then if it weren’t for Blaine standing two feet in front of him. He couldn’t do it in front of someone else. Especially not Blaine. “I have to.” Was all his weak voice could manage.

“Stop saying that. You don't have to do anything. You have a choice here; make the right one.”

“Blaine, they took my journals. All of them. Everything is in there. Everything.” He whispered mostly to himself.

“What are you talking about?” Blaine frowned.

“My journals. I’ve kept one since I was ten; my whole life is in there.”

“I don't understand...”

“I think the police have them. There are things in there...I could go to prison. Or a mental asylum. My dad would lose his job, among other things, and everyone’s lives would be ruined. I can't be around to watch that happen. My dad would blame me. Which is fair, I guess, because it’s all my fault, but I don't wanna-” Sebastian’s sobs cut him off.

“What’s your fault? What would he blame you for?”

“I can't tell you that!” He all but yelled.

“Okay, fine, you don't have to tell me. Just...put down the gun, Sebastian. I’m begging you.”

Sebastian was done. He’d said enough, and he wasn’t going to talk anymore. Shutting his eyes again, he replanted the firearm firmly against his temple as he prepared himself for what he was about to do. Blaine caught his intention and lunged forward, reaching for the gun. His fingers wrapped around the smooth metal at the exact second that Sebastian pulled the trigger.

As Blaine held the now-warm gun, his eyes wide and looking at the lanky body of his peer that had fallen back-first onto the floor. “Sebastian?” Blaine whispered.

“I will never forgive you for this. You stupid, ignorant faggot! You have no idea what you just did and I hate you! I hate you so fucking much, you retarded cunt!” Sebastian crawled away and put his head against the side of his bed as he continued to cry. Blaine quickly extracted all the bullets from the gun before tossing it aside. He then knelt down in front of the angry teenager. “Get away from me! Don't touch me, you sadistic bastard!” Sebastian continued to raise voice.

To Blaine it was obvious that there was no venom beneath those words; they were empty. He was scared and angry and he didn't know how to deal with it, so he was taking it out on the only other person there. _At least he’s not taking it out on himself,_ Blaine thought. “Call me what you want, I don't care. You’re probably right, anyway. I haven’t exactly been the nicest person to you lately, and I’m sorry.”

Sebastian looked like Blaine had just slapped him in the face. “What the hell are you apologizing for? You didn't do anything, you idiot. Did your mother drop you on your head as a baby or something?”

Blaine couldn’t stop the small smile that crept onto his features. “She claims to not have, but I have a permanent knob on the top of my skull that says otherwise.”

“This is funny to you?” Sebastian snapped as hurt flashed in his eyes.

“Funny? You think I find any of this _funny_? Sebastian, do you realize that you were just about to kill yourself in front of me? If I hadn’t moved at the exact moment that I did, I would have been forced to witness your blood spattering across these walls. I would have had to stare into your lifeless eyes and be subjected to horrific nightmares for the rest of my life and feel guilty because I didn't do enough to save a stupid teenage boy from making the biggest mistake of his life. So no, I don't find any of this funny. But while you’re busy biting my head off, I’m doing my best not to cry in front of you.” Blaine could feel fresh tears forming in his eyes and he looked away, willing them to disappear.

Sebastian was silent for a few moments. “Why don't you want to cry in front of me?”

Blaine snorted, but it came out sounding more like a sniff. “Really? That's what you ask?”

He shrugged. “I’m sitting here like a big baby, feeling sorry for himself and crying like no grown man is ever supposed to cry. You just stopped me from taking my own life and then sit there patiently while I call you names and scream in your face. And after all this, you’re worried about crying in front of me?”

“Sebastian, you’re seventeen; that does not qualify as being a grown man. And I’m not judging you, okay? Even though I guess I pretended to, I don't really know you at all. I don't know what you’ve been through, what you’re _going_ through, you’re right, I don't understand. So in no possible way can I judge you for what you wanted to do, but that doesn’t mean I was going to stand by and let you do it. But...being at the other end of that, having to stand by helplessly, completely powerless, and watch a million different scenarios go off in your head. So yeah, I was afraid. Hell, I was scared shitless. But you don't care, and I’m not saying you’re supposed to, but you don't. Crying now would be redundant; it wouldn’t solve anything and it wouldn’t help you. So I’m not going to.” Even as he said these words, Blaine could feel the pressure build up in his throat and he knew that somewhere along the line his voice had cracked.

Sebastian wore a strange expression as he stared at Blaine. He couldn’t understand why the raven-haired teen wasn’t more angry with him; or angry at all, for that matter. For someone who had just literally saved the life of another human being, he seemed strangely sad. Then it hit him. The reason why Blaine seemed so oddly calm: he was in shock. It was only one and a half days ago that the pair had been attacked. The scars were still painfully visible. Regret gnawed at Sebastian’s insides. “You can cry if you want to. I won’t care.”

“That's the problem. If I take my eyes off of you, then you’re just going to find a different means to the same end.” Blaine spoke in a tired voice, staring at the floor.

It took a couple of second for those words to click. “I won’t-I mean, I’m not...I’m not going to try again, Blaine. I was right there, I was ready, I had made peace with it. But now all I can think about is how I wouldn’t be sitting here right now if you hadn’t intervened. I’m sorry, Blaine. I’m really sorry.” Reality was like a kick to the groin as Sebastian came to terms with his own words.

“Don't apologize. But...how am I supposed to trust you again? How do I know you’re not just going to try again tomorrow? Or the day after?” Blaine moved so that he too was lying with his head against the side of Sebastian’s bed.

“No, I-I wouldn’t, I promise. I couldn’t. I don't know what was going on inside my head, but whatever it is, it’s gone now. Hopefully for good.” He looked Blaine right in the eye as he spoke.

“Then can we please go back to my house? Please? I don't want to be here anymore.” Blaine pleaded.

Sebastian nodded. “Neither do I.”


	7. Honestly Fake

There was only silence as Blaine drove them both back to his house. Instinctively, he kept glancing at Sebastian out of the corner of his eye. Sebastian, who inhabited the passenger’s seat, did nothing but stare straight ahead, neither moving nor talking. Blaine was really worried about him, but had less than no idea what to do or how to help. Sebastian clearly had some serious depression and/or psychological problems and Blaine was definitely not equipped to help him with things like that, but it didn't take away the guilt that resided in the pit of his stomach for not noticing sooner that something was wrong. _But I did notice_ , Blaine thought to himself, _everyone did. If only I had tried to talk to him about it instead of fighting and arguing the whole time. I mean, he would probably never have actually told me anything, but maybe just knowing that someone still cared would have been enough?_

Blaine shook his head, answering his own question. Sebastian didn't even notice. _He must know that Michael still cares; Sebastian is all that his father ever talks about. Surely he must know how much that man loves him..._ Blaine had always assumed that Sebastian Smythe was just one of those people who took things for granted and didn't think twice about it. One of those arrogant brats who sincerely believed that the universe owed them something; someone who knew that he was privileged and still wanted more out of life. But the incident that had just almost occurred put fresh doubts into Blaine’s mind and he found himself wondering if there wasn’t more to the Warbler than he had initially assumed. His guilt multiplied when he realized that he had been all too quick in passing judgement, and instantly made a mental decision to never make assumptions again. About anyone. But especially about Sebastian.

With a heavy sigh, Blaine pulled into his driveway, the sight of his own home somehow making him feel better. He wished the same comfort onto that of his current companion, but doubted that the house would have the same effect on someone who _didn't_ live there. Sebastian was oblivious to the fact that they had reached their destination and remained seated. Blaine walked over to the left side of the car and opened the door, holding it that way as a gesture for the taller teen to climb out. When he still didn't move, Blaine spoke his name, “Sebastian,” he said softly.

Hearing the voice snapped him out of his trance and he got out of the car, warily eyeing the house in front of him. Sebastian felt lost. He had nowhere left to go and no one left to count on. His father had been taken out of the running many years ago when he unwittingly ruined the life of his only son. And Blaine couldn’t count either, since he was only a kid and had been through enough these last few days without Sebastian adding to that burden. Never in his life had he been more desperate for someone to talk to, and ironically enough, there had never been a time where he had been more alone. Forcing himself to stop dwelling on these thoughts, Sebastian followed Blaine into the house, instantly reminded of the fight they had shared not thirty hours ago. It all felt so trivial now.

“So, uh, are you hungry or thirsty or something? I don't think we have much, but I’m sure I could find something partly edible.” Blaine made a feeble attempt at a joke. Sebastian merely shook his head and planted himself down in the corner directly south of the kitchen counter. Blaine frowned. “You don't have to sit on the floor, silly. I promise that the couch is a heck of a lot more comfortable.” He smiled as he looked down at the figure hugging his knees up to his chest. Sebastian neither responded nor moved a muscle. Still smiling, Blaine joined his peer on the cold tiled floor, but made sure to keep a reasonable distance between them. “Are you sorry,” Blaine began in a voice that was barely more than a whisper. “Are you sorry that I found you when I did? That you didn't get to, you know...?”

Sebastian blinked a total of five times before opening his mouth. “No. But I kind of hoped that things would be different now; that somehow the world would be clearer and brighter and everything would suddenly make sense. If possible though, things are even worse than before and I now feel like I have exhausted all my resources – that I no longer have a back-up plan.”

Blaine frowned. “Killing yourself was your back-up plan?”

Sebastian shrugged. “No. Maybe. I don't know, but if it was, it’s gone now. What does that leave me with?”

“Your life,” he said. “And maybe that doesn’t mean much to you right now, but someday it will.”

Sebastian snorted. “You can't possibly know that. Do you have any idea how long I have waited for things to get better? No, how could you? If things still haven’t changed, then I’m not going to be an idiot and keep hoping that they will.”

Feeling like they’ve already had this conversation, Blaine decided to drop the subject momentarily. “Where did you sleep last night?” He asked instead.

It took forty-five whole seconds for Sebastian to remember. “Dalton. Jeff let me sleep in his room.”

“I’m sorry for kicking you out yesterday. I was just...I don't know, a little spooked from, well, you know. I didn't really mean it though; you could have come back at any time.”

“What makes you so sure that I wanted to? Come back, I mean. What makes you so sure that I would have preferred your company to Jeff’s?” He arched an eyebrow.

“I didn't. I mean, I just wanted apologize for throwing you out. You don't have to stay if you don't want to, I guess.” The more he spoke, the softer Blaine’s voice became.

Sebastian snorted and punched his shoulder. “I’m just kidding, moron. As long as you promise to keep your hands to yourself, staying here will suffice, I suppose. I mean, I know I’m irresistible.” His attempt at a smile was pretty pathetic, but Blaine was comforted by the fact that he was at least trying.

Chuckling, Blaine replied with, “Don't worry, I think I can contain myself.”

“Good,” his smile widened. “So I never actually asked you; where did your parents go? Why did they leave you here?” Sebastian actually couldn’t give a damn about why the kid’s mom and dad had left town and neglected to take him along, but he knew that if he didn't attempt to seem normal, Blaine would keep him under some kind of permanent suicide watch. And that alone would be motive enough for him to actually commit suicide...or homicide.

“It was work. My parents are co-workers, so that's why they both had to leave. And there wasn’t really any way for them to take me with, and not only because I have school. But I’m happy that I got to stay behind.”

Sebastian cocked another eyebrow. “Because of me, right? Because you think that if you weren’t here to hold my hand the whole time, then I’d be dead. Am I right?”

Blaine hesitated. “Do you expect me to feel guilty for saving your life?”

“Is that what you call it? ‘Saving my life’?” He snorted. “I bet you like the sound of that, don't you? It makes you seem like the hero....and what does that make me? The victim or the villain?”

Blaine shook his head. “If it were up to you, the victim.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re acting as if I’m the one to blame for...for everything. Yesterday you yelled at me for being gay and now you’re implying that...what? I had some kind of hidden agenda behind stopping you from killing yourself.” He heaved a sigh and started fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “You know, I really don't understand you. It’s as if you only ever tolerated me to get something out of it; maybe you thought it would be funny to try and wreck my relationship or maybe you were just bored and determined to hurt my feelings, I don't know. But ever since you threw that slushie in my eye, you’ve acted as if I were the one who put _you_ in the hospital. You act like I did something to you, but I know that I didn't.”

Sebastian wasted no time in replying with, “Have you considered that maybe not everything is about you? That I might have some real problems in my life that don't include being worried about whether or not I hurt your feelings?”

“What problems? You keep telling me how awful your life is, but no matter how hard I try, I can't think of a single aspect of your life that could be horrible enough to drive you to freaking suicide! So, if you would be so kind, please enlighten me to the nature of your constant torturous existence.” Blaine instantly regretted his condescending tone when he saw the brief flicker of pain in the golden flecks of Sebastian’s eyes. Despite this though, he wasn’t going to take his words back; he desperately did want to know why he was so unhappy.

At first it seemed as if Sebastian was going to stay quiet and ignore Blaine’s words, but soon enough he broke the silence. “I hate it when people ask me questions like that. They always somehow find a way to make everything I’m feeling seem trivial, as if I’m overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing. As if I have no right to be the way that I am. But the worst part...the worst part is that they make _me_ feel like I have no reason to be the way that I am. They make me feel stupid and childish for being angry all the time. They make me feel like a jerk,” he paused. “Which I guess I am. But I don't want to be. I want to be normal and happy and have friends that can make me laugh; I want to hate my dad for stupid things like not giving me a big enough allowance, or for making my curfew too early. I don't want to actually physically resent him for things I could never possibly forgive him for. It makes everything seem somewhat...hopeless.”

“No one said that you have to resent him. Why can't you just forget about whatever it is he did in the past that upset you so much and move on? Maybe even try to forgive him. Hating him isn’t doing anyone any good; not you, and definitely not him.”

“Where would that leave me? You just don't get it, Blaine. My dad deserves a real son, not some pathetic shell of–of someone who once was.  And that's all I’ll ever be.” Sebastian shrugged.

“You are the only one who sees it that way. No one else looks at you and thinks, ‘That boy will never make it. That boy has nothing to live for. That boy is a goner’. You have potential, Sebastian. A lot of it.”

“So? That still won’t do me any good. Have you ever had a moment in your life where you found yourself wondering if there really is a purpose to all of this? If anything would change or be different in the world if you weren’t alive? I’ve thought about stuff like that since I was twelve years old. And after a while, it starts to weigh you down. Small things become heavy and everything is scrutinized; it’s hard to have to be like that all the time.”

Blaine’s first instinct was to tell Sebastian to stop feeling so sorry for himself, but he fought the urge when something occurred to him. _Maybe it isn’t self-pity,_ Blaine thought, _maybe he isn’t trying to earn my sympathy. Maybe he’s just telling me the truth._ This revelation saddened him. Sebastian truly was depressed, in every sense of the word. “Then don't be,” he said softly. “Don't be like that all the time. Try to forget once in a while, try to do something fun and just enjoy the moment. And maybe it’ll be hard at first, but it’s worth the effort, don't you think? You still have your whole life ahead of you, but you are never going to make if you only ever focus on the bad stuff.”

Sebastian considered this for a moment. “What do you mean ‘never going to make it’? Are you insinuating that I’m going to try to kill myself again and actually succeed?”

“How am I supposed to know? If you had asked me yesterday whether or not I thought you capable of suicide, I would have immediately said no. But now...now there’s nothing that I would put past you. And no, that is not an accusation, it’s a simple statement. That's not the point though; my point is the old saying, ‘Life is what you make of it’. Find something that's important to you and work from there.”

“Important to me, huh?” He snorted. “That's a tall order, Blaine. And no, that was not just a stab at your height.”

“I’m sure,” Blaine responded dryly and then sighed. “You know, we don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. We can talk about something else.”

“If I got what I wanted then I wouldn’t be here in the first place, never mind talking to _you_.” Sebastian said.

Blaine rolled his eyes before tilting his head slightly backwards so that it was resting on the wall. It was moments like these that made the distance, both literally and figuratively, between him and Kurt seem all the more potent. He couldn’t even talk to his ex-boyfriend about everything that had happened in the last few days: his parents leaving town, him having to go stay with the Smythes...the attack. Everything. But of course Kurt refused to answer any of his texts or calls, so that left him with no one to talk to. He could probably go to one of his best friends, Sam or Tina, but he knew that they would insist on calling his parents and telling them to come home. Blaine didn't want to be the thing that stood between his father and the promotion that he had been dreaming of for years. Logically he knew that he was going to have to tell someone at some point, since he had school the next day and the scars on his face would certainly raise a few eyebrows, but Blaine chose not to think about that particular problem just yet. He would cross that bridge when he came to it.

_Tomorrow,_ he thought, _I am going to have to cross that bridge tomorrow._

“Does your mom like you?” Sebastian asked out of the blue.

“What kind of question is that? Of course she does, she’s my mom.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. My mom doesn’t like me very much but she’s still my mom.” He shrugged.

“Why would you think something like that? I’m sure your mom loves you very much.” Blaine said.

“I haven’t seen her in two years. She lives halfway across the world and only calls me on Christmas and my birthday – if she remembers. My dad has never said it in so many words but he doesn’t have to; I know why he got custody in the divorce. She didn't want me. I was just too much effort, you know? Kids require attention and food and energy, and she didn't want to be the one who had to give me that. My dad didn't have to fight for me; in fact, I’m pretty sure he fought _not_ totake me, but in the end it was my mother who got lucky and my father who got stuck with me.” Sebastian got lost in his thoughts for a couple of moments. “You have no idea how different things would have been if I had gone to live with my mom. I’d have a French accent, for starters.”

“But didn't you once tell me that you lived in Paris?” Blaine wondered.

He nodded. “I did. When my parents were still married we moved there for about a year and my mom loved it so much that she insisted on staying, but my dad needed to start working again. This was the start of the biggest fight they’d ever had and ultimately the reason they called it quits. I didn't want to come back to the US; I was happier there. No one cared about what I wanted though and I was forced to move here, to Ohio.”

“I’m sure they cared, Sebastian, but sometimes you have to put your child’s well-being before everything else.”

“Does that include my happiness? Because if it does, then I really need you to define ‘well-being’ for me. What the hell is the point of keeping your son safe and healthy if he’d rather be dead because of it?”

Blaine sighed again. “Do you always blame your parents for everything? ‘Cause it sounds to me like you do, and that isn’t fair. As far as I’ve heard, you were not the easiest boy to please when you were younger. Why can't you just accept responsibility for your own unhappiness? Your father has literally given you everything he could, and being as wealthy as Michael is, that’s quite a lot.”

“So you’re saying I’m the one who made me like this? Because they’re my parents and if they aren’t to blame, that only leaves me. I thought that...if a kid is messed up, you know, he has to be that way for a reason. He wasn’t born like that, was he? And who better to fuck up the life of a child than his parents, huh?”

“In a way, I get what you’re saying. But in another, it makes no sense to me. What exactly did your parents do to make you so resentful? Did they neglect you? Did they not give you enough attention? Did they hit you? What?” Blaine rubbed his eyes tiredly.

“Just leave me alone.” Sebastian mumbled, turning slightly so that his back was almost facing Blaine.

The raven-haired teen complied, and rose from the floor. He headed toward the kitchen and sat down there, playing on his phone. Blaine had just been about to beat his high-score on _Temple Run 2_ when his phone vibrated, letting him know that a text had come through.

**From Tina:**

**Hey, Blainey days. You’ve been really quiet these last few days...is everything OK? Are you missing your parents? I’m always here if you need to talk xx**

Blaine smiled sadly as he read the words. What he wouldn’t have given to be able to talk someone right about now, but that person couldn’t be Tina. Or Sam. Or Artie. Or any of his other friends, for that matter. There was a small part of him that was almost too afraid to recount the events that had put him into such a state, for fear of getting the listener into trouble. Logic was telling him that what had happened to him and Sebastian had been nothing more than just an unlucky coincidence, but his paranoia was warning him to keep his mouth shut. Blaine felt an uneasiness somewhere in the pit of his stomach that was telling him that if he spoke about the bad things, then more bad things would continue to happen. And he wasn’t sure how much more he would be able to handle before his physical state caught up with his mental one.

**From Blaine:**

**Thanks, Tay, but I’m okay. Still trying to adjust to the new ‘living arrangements’. We’ll talk tomorrow :)**

With a yawn, Blaine went over to the coffee-maker (which he had gotten for his sixteenth birthday) and switched it on, making sure that he didn't forget to put the container in like he had done last time. He jumped when Sebastian suddenly appeared behind him. “Can I have some, too?”

“Sure,” Blaine said. “I was going to make you anyway.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled, seemingly uncomfortable. “So, uh, how-how long have you lived in Ohio?”

Blaine smiled. “Don't worry, I know you’re not really the small-talk type of guy. Besides, it isn’t really convincing when you try to start a conversation with someone you don't like by asking them about themselves. It seems sort of redundant, don't you think?”

“I never said that I didn't like you.” He argued feebly.

“Uh, yeah you did.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Look, don't take it personally; I don't really like anyone.”

“Strangely enough, I picked up on that.”

“I still want you to answer the question,” Sebastian sat down at the small circular table in the centre of the room. “How long have lived in this dump?”

“In Ohio? My whole life. In Lima, only a couple of years. I used to live near Defiance, but then the kids at my old school b–I mean, I didn't much like it there, so my parents transferred jobs and moved us here. Then, as you know, I enrolled at Dalton and the rest is pretty much history.”

“They bullied you and you ran.” It wasn’t a question.

With a reluctant sigh, Blaine nodded. “That's one way to put it, I suppose. But it was more my parents’ idea than my own.”  

“I’m not judging you, I’m just surprised, is all. You don't strike me as the fleeing type. I would have thought that someone like you would have stood up to those bullies and given them a piece of your mind. But I guess it’s difficult to imagine how someone else, or even yourself, would react to hypothetical situation until you are forced to endure it for real,” Sebastian mused.

“I guess. But I was young and scared back then; I was a different person. My fight or flight response has since been reprogrammed. What about you? Have you ever had issues with bullies?”

“Why would I? I’m not gay.”

“I didn't say you were, but a lot of kids get bullied, and most of the time it has nothing to do with your sexuality. If you didn't though, then I’d say you were one of the lucky few.” Blaine said, handing Sebastian a blue mug filled to the rim with coffee, and sat down beside him.

“’Lucky’ isn’t really the adjective I would use to describe my life, but whatever, I ain’t gonna split any hairs. Oh, and thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Blaine smiled. “So, besides Paris, where else have you been?”

“I don't know, New York, LA, Berlin, Norway, Australia, England and Scotland are the only ones I can remember.” He shrugged. Blaine suppressed a laugh at the casual manner in which Sebastian had said that.

“I went to Orlando once...I think. Or maybe I didn't. But I’ve always wanted to go Disney World. Or is it Disney Land? I can never remember.” He let out a small hissing sound when he burned his tongue on the scalding liquid. Sebastian grinned.

“You’ve never been to Disney World? Dude, really? That is some seriously messed up shit. What kind of American-born kid has never been to Disney World? I would feel sorry for you if it weren’t so damn pathetic and sad.” He shook his head.

“Uh-huh,” Blaine arched an eyebrow. “And have you ever been?”

“Not even a little.”

“Then I guess we can be pathetic and sad together.” He risked a small smile.

“I suppose so,” Sebastian replied, looking down at the mug in his hands. “But only if I get to be the pathetic one. I’m really tired of being sad.” The manner in which he said that gave the impression that he was mostly speaking to himself.

“It’s a deal.”

Sebastian raised his head, the perfect witty comeback ready to be expelled from his lips, but became quickly distracted by the dark pink vertical lines that ran down the length of Blaine’s cheeks. He leaned forward slightly and noticed for the first time that there was a small patch of blue skin to the right of Blaine’s left eye; he knew that it was the result of someone punching him in the face. Sebastian’s chest felt heavy. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“For what?” Blaine looked confused.

“For everything that I need to be sorry about. But specifically for ever letting those fucks lay their hand on you.”

“Wh–why are you apologizing for that? It wasn’t your fault. And I know you tried your best to help me, I know you did. I also know that I made you feel responsible yesterday, but I swear that I didn't mean it. I was just in shock and not thinking clearly. In no way or form were you even remotely to blame, okay? Please stop beating yourself up about this; I’m fine. Really.” He reassured.

“That's just the thing, Blaine, I don't think you are. You’ve been really calm about this; about everything, and I don't think that's normal. You almost died. I almost killed myself. How can you sit there and tell me that nothing’s the matter?”

“Well what about you? You are easily just as calm as I am, and I’m not the one who pointed a gun to my own head. If anyone around here has a right to be a wreck, it’d be you.” Blaine said.

“But I am a wreck! Don't you get it? Last night I had a nightmare that caused me to wake up drenched in sweat and fearing for my life. I then went over to Dalton and almost fucked Jeff. Jeff! I’m not even gay! And today...today I almost shot myself. I almost took my own life, Blaine. I am not fine. But I’m not pretending to be, either. I know that I’m a mess; I know that I’m not okay. You on the other hand...”

Blaine suppressed the urge to comment on the part about Sebastian and Jeff almost sleeping together. “Why do you even care? Maybe I’m not as together on the inside as I appear to be on the outside, but so what? We all have our own coping mechanisms and what if this is mine?”

“Pretending that nothing is wrong is not a coping mechanism. By definition, it’s the exact opposite.” Sebastian heaved a sigh. “If you–if you want to talk about it, you know, you can always just talk to me.”

“You? Really? You are easily the last person on earth I would talk to about anything. All you do is insult me and call me names. Does it look like I’m in the mood for that right now? Does it look like I can handle that right now?” Blaine buried his face in his hands, not wanting Sebastian to see how upset he was making him. The latter suddenly felt guilty.

“Look, I know I’ve been a complete and total asshole but that isn’t because I dislike you or anything–”

Blaine snorted. “Since the second I walked through your front door, you’ve done nothing but tell me how wretched I am. Or yell at me. Or call me a fag. Or accuse me of taking your dad from you. And now you’re trying to tell me that none of that was done out of resentment? Then why the hell did you do it?”

For once, Sebastian was rendered speechless. He had no explanation, no excuse, nothing.

“That's what I thought.” Blaine mumbled and angrily rose from his chair. He couldn’t explain why he was so angry all of a sudden, but if it managed to drown out all the other emotions that he was feeling, he wasn’t going to question it.

“I don't hate you.” Sebastian looked down at the table as he spoke.

“Thank you. That's very reassuring.”

“Fuck, Blaine, what do you want from me? I get that you’re angry, I get that you’re going through something and that this is hard for you. But I feel it too, you know? This is hard for me as well and neither of us have anyone to turn to, but that doesn’t mean it will do us any good if we turn against each other, either.”

“But that's all you’ve been doing! Turning against me! You have no idea what it was like for me to have to go through something like that again. You have no idea,” Blaine’s voice was threatening to crack and his eyes filled with tears. “As if suffering PTSD wasn’t bad enough, you then had to go and call me a whore for being in love with someone who clearly doesn’t love me anymore, and leave me all alone in this stupid house for twenty-four agonizing hours. I was scared out of my mind! Too scared to even tell anybody else what had happened. Too scared that those guys will hurt someone else.” The salt from his tears seeped into his wounds, making it burn like hell, but Blaine could no longer hold them back. “

“What do you mean ‘going through something like that again’? Has someone hurt you before?” Sebastian asked, clearly ignoring the rest of Blaine’s words.

“Fuck you,” Blaine whispered, afraid that he would start sobbing if he tried to use his voice.

Sebastian let out a long breath and walked over to his vertically challenged peer, who flinched as if he thought that Sebastian was going to hit him. Trying to hide the hurt in his eyes, the latter gently placed a hand on the former’s shoulders. “I’m really sorry, I should never have said what I did and I should never have left you alone, but I can't turn back time, Blaine. It’s done and I can't change it, but that doesn’t mean I don't regret it; because I do. I really am sorry for everything. You don't have to forgive me if you don't want to, but it sure as heck would make life easier for both us, since it looks like we’re going to be stuck with each other for while.”

“No, I’m sorry for exploding like that. I feel like it’s my time of the month. This must be hard for you, too, and I’m making it all about me. Let’s just, um, forget about everything and call it a truce.”

“Yeah. I’d like that.” Sebastian smiled. And for once, it was sincere. 


End file.
